End of a Beginning (Book 4)

Chapter Six - Penance

Will's mother is much nicer than I would've thought. I thought by now she would have thrown us out of her lovely household and told us to go to hell. But instead, she gives us new clothing so we don't get sick from the rain and even gives us a spare room to let us sleep in for the night. I tell her that we'd make do somewhere else but she insists that we stay. She lets us settle down for a bit but after a while she demands that she makes us dinner. I try to stop her from making a fuss but she never listens. When we're changing in the other room, we hear her cooking something up for us.

With our backs to one another, Derek and I change as fast as we can. After the day we had, all I want right now is dry clothes and warmth. Though still feeling extremely awkward by being in this household, I'm extremely grateful for Will's mother's kindness. When giving us the clothing and towels, she pulled me in for a hug and even kissed the top of my head. After years of being void of a mother, having that one small act replenished something in me. My heart feels full again.

When we're both done changing, we turn to each other and I have to suppress my laughter. Derek was given the largest shirt and pair of sweatpants I've ever seen. He tries to pull the string around the waistband as tight as he can to keep them from falling but still it hangs much lower than he would like. Even the long legs uncomfortably bunch at his ankles. Though his shirt is a short sleeved, the sleeves still fall past his elbows making him look like a large toddler. It also looks like the shirt can fit both of us and still give us enough breathing room. "Did a giant wear these?" he asks through a laugh. I try my hardest not to smirk but looking at a usually serious Derek in this precarious situation, but I can't help it. Derek looks up with a wide smile and glances at the clothes I wear. Though my pants fit me much better, my shirt is also extremely large. The hem of the shirt goes past my mid thighs and makes me feel much shorter than I really am.

"Food is almost done!" Will's mother calls from the other room. The smile vanishes from my face. Though she has shown nothing but kindness towards me so far, I don't know how to talk to her quite yet. I've been practicing in my head for months, but now that I'm here, I'm terrified. Her son died to keep me alive. I was willing to give my life for him but I was too slow. How do I explain the pit in my stomach whenever I think about him? Even just standing here, thinking about Will creates a blackness in my heart.

Derek notices my distress and comes up to me quickly. He puts my head in between his hands and makes me look up at him. "He would appreciate you coming, Gus," he says softly. "It means a lot to her too even if you can't find the words." I nod and close my eyes. I know he's right but it doesn't feel right. This is closure for the both of us, but I don't know if I'll be able to tell her all the things I want. We're in this position for a while, until I feel Derek's thumb run over my left cheek. I wince at the pain. "Sorry," he whispers.

"Does it look bad?" Loni's punch must've landed more than I thought.

Derek shakes his head. "Just some redness." Taking his hands back, I feel cold again. His warmth has been constant throughout our travels and right now, it's all I want. Eventually, "Why didn't you use your knives?"

"When?"

"When that woman was going to choke you." Clarifying, "Your arms were free. You could have easily gotten a knife." Of course he's right. I knew that when her arm went around my neck, but yet I let her almost end my life.

"I have enough blood on my hands. I don't need anymore." He furrows his eyebrows which tells me that he has a ton of thoughts on the subject but doesn't want to rile me up. Probably best for the upcoming situation. Impulsively, I reach out for his arm and let my fingers graze over the fresh scar on his forearm. The scar is one of many that we both have and probably won't be the last. Underneath my touch, I feel him get goosebumps. "No more blood," I say as I let go. I've shed too much blood on the world. Even Derek has taken lives. One could argue that it was self-defense but when will it ever stop?