You're My Humanity

Ch 4

"And what are you sighing so dramatically about?" Ango asked as he sat down at the bar.
Dazai heaved another big sigh, laying his head on the bar, "Chuuya..."
"Again?" Ango shook his head, "if you want my advice, you should look for someone who likes you back."
Dazai frowned, "no one asked for your advice..."
Odasaku shrugged, "I dunno, Dazai, from your description he doesn't seem all that interested."
"Thank you," Ango lifted his hand.
Dazai whined, "Odasaku, I can't just get over Chuuya like I'm some kid with a crush! He's literally the prettiest person to ever live! *And* he's the vessel for a godlike ability! That's so cool!!"
Ango rolled his eyes, "don't encourage him to get involved with dangerous people who would be more likely to kick him than kiss him."
Odasaku only slightly tilted his head.
Dazai folded his arms, "I'll have you know that Chuuya kicking me is exactly what made me fall in love with him."
"What?"
Dazai giggled at Ango's shocked expression. "Kidding. It took more than that."
"I would surely hope so..." Ango looked incredibly concerned.
Odasaku lifted his glass and swished it, "I think I've seen him once or twice. He was better looking than most kids your age."
"Hey, are you calling me ugly?" Dazai pouted. "And I never hear you guys talk about anyone you like!!! What's up with that?!"
Ango shook his head, "I don't have time for that."
Odasaku blinked at that, but didn't say anything.
Dazai looked between them a few times. "Okay... sure, maybe you're busy oftentimes, but what about when you aren't? When was the last time you went on a date?"
Odasaku thought deeply about it, "mm, good question... Now that I think about it, I don't know if ever gone on anything that could be considered a date."
"What?! But you're the nicest person ever, Odasaku!!! Any guy or girl would be so lucky to have you!!!"
Odasaku half shrugged, "thanks, Dazai, but I was an assassin for a good part of my life."
"Oh yeah... They probably taught you how to kill your feelings before they go anywhere, huh? That sucks..."
Ango turned his glass around a few times, "I don't think it counts, but the other day Odasaku and I ran into each other outside of work and went for a walk."
"Huh?! You guys hung out without me?! How dare!!!"
"Don't worry, we made sure to say something suicidal so it would feel like you were with us," Ango chuckled.
"No fair," Dazai folded his arms.
Odasaku set his glass down, "I guess it was sort of a date."
"Yeah," Ango nodded dismissively.
Dazai narrowed his eyes at them both, "you two *do* sorta act like an old married couple..."
"We do?" They both asked in unison.
"See! You even said the same thing!" Dazai laughed, "that's enough proof for me!!! Ooh! Who wears the pants?!?!"
Odasaku's brows pinched together, "we're both wearing pants..."
Ango pressed his fingers against his forehead, shaking his head. "Dazai, that's so rude, and Odasaku, don't feed into this."
"Odasaku definitely wears the pants! You're acting like a total mom right now!" Dazai cackled.
Ango only sighed, "I'm not wasting my time on this..."
Odasaku nodded slowly, "I'm even wearing pants right now..."
Ango sighed more heavily as Dazai laughed harder. "You're so innocent, Odasaku!!! How many dates have you been on?! When did you first get married?!"
Odasaku paused to think, taking this very seriously. "We aren't married, but I think we've been on two or three dates."
"Ugh, don't call them dates, you'll give him the wrong idea." Ango kneaded his forehead, "Odasaku and I just occasionally run into each other and chat for a while. I didn't mean that it was a date in a romantic sense."
"Mhm, sure~~~"
Odasaku only shrugged, taking a drink.
Ango shook his head.
Dazai giggled to himself as he laid his arms over the counter, "when did you two seal the deal?"
"We aren't married." Ango said.
"Probably a few years ago."
"HM?! Odasaku, tell me more!!! Are you really married?!?!?!" Dazai exclaimed, his eyes sparkling in wonder.
Ango ran his hands down his face, having to remove his glasses to cope with this. But he didn't say anything.
Odasaku sat his glass down, "well, one time when we were walking Ango tripped."
"And you caught him?!" Dazai asked.
"And I caught him," he nodded.
"Like a prince?! Did you dip him like you were waltzing?!"
Odasaku paused, "oh, I guess it was kinda like that."
"No, it wasn't!" Ango aggressively pushed his glasses onto his face.
"Keep going!" Dazai shook Oda's arm.
Odasaku hummed in thought, "I'm not even sure how or why, but..."
"But???"
"..." Odasaku wore a complicated expression.
Dazai had never seen him think so deeply about anything. He could practically see the gears grinding in Oda's mind. "You don't have to be specific..." he added quietly.
Odasaku tilted his head from side to side a few times, "mmm... I guess I'm trying to say that was our first kiss. Well, mine anyways."
Dazai gasped so loudly and profoundly, he almost fainted on the spot.
Ango continued to stressfully pinch the bridge of his nose and shake his head.
"You- you kissed?!?!"
"It seemed appropriate at the time," Odasaku said.
"It was! I'm just surprised!!!" Dazai leaned over to look at Ango.
Ango's face was tinged with pink, "don't look at *me*..."
"Did you kiss back?! Odasaku, did he kiss you back?!"
"It isn't his business!" Ango shouted, "don't enable his nosey-ness!"
Odasaku smiled just a little bit as he took another drink.
Dazai groaned as he let his head fall onto the bar, "you guys suck!!!"
The little bells at the entrance jingled as the door opened and closed. Dazai didn't even care who it was, he was so upset!
"Oh," Ango sounded surprised, "good evening..."
Dazai knew those footsteps... but why would he be here?...
Odasaku leaned back to look at who was walking down the stairs, "we were just talking about you."
"You were?" Chuuya asked, sounding almost worried.
Dazai frowned, forcing himself to sit up.
"Only good things," Ango assured him. "I want to thank you for all you've done. Not just anyone can defeat a singularity like that."
"Uh, thanks, I guess," Chuuya put his hands in his pockets.
"What are you doing here?" Dazai asked with a bored sigh.
"Looking for you."
Dazai almost fell out of his chair, "what?"
Ango chuckled, "wow, you can even surprise Dazai? You really are impressive."
Odasaku still wore a small smile as he looked over at Dazai. He gave Dazai a look that said, "well?"
Dazai had an almost panicked look in his own eye as he stared back.
"Boss has a job for us," Chuuya finished.
"Already?" Dazai blinked.
His partner nodded, "I'm not happy about it either."
"But you were just discharged this morning..." Dazai said slowly.
"And apparently he already wants me doing things," Chuuya said.
Dazai spun his chair around, "well that just isn't right."
"Tell me about it. Let's just go."
"Nah, let's stall here for a while. I don't want to work right now." Dazai turned back around.
Ango shook his head, "Dazai, you're an executive now. You have to act like it."
Dazai groaned as he leaned on his elbows, "I don't wanna. And I never asked to be an executive, anyways."
"You didn't?" Chuuya asked.
"Nope. At first I wanted to be an executive just so I could torture Chuuya, but then it was too much work. And *then* Mori made me one anyways." He turned his glass around a few times.
The barkeep came out from the back and set another glass out before returning to their cave.
Chuuya felt obligated to stay now. He reluctantly climbed into the seat beside Dazai.
Odasaku leaned over to Ango, "Dazai made it sound like they're always fighting. I'm surprised they're both so calm right now."
"Me too, they're usually at each others throats by now," Ango whispered back.
Odasaku nodded as he sat up. Then he asked, "you said you were just discharged this morning? I know the boss can be demanding, but he probably has a reason for it. He probably won't push you past your limits."
"Probably," Chuuya frowned.
Dazai stared at Chuuya for a long moment. Then he asked, "are you well enough to work right now?"
Chuuya folded his arms, "of course I am."
Odasaku smiled, "that sounds like a lie."
Dazai laughed at that and Ango only shook his head.
"I'm not lying..." Chuuya sounded very insecure. "I'm well enough to do anything. I can always just use my ability, if it comes to it..."
Odasaku discreetly nudged Dazai with his elbow.
Dazai felt very nervous. Odasaku and Chuuya had never actually met... what if someone said something wrong and then they hated each other?! "What do you think the boss wants us to do?"
"It better not be paperwork," Chuuya sighed, "I've been sitting for way too long. And I don't want to be cooped up in a stuffy room with you, either."
Dazai laughed, "you think I *wanted* to be stuck in there with you?! Hah!!!"
"You were the one who kept touching me like a weirdo!!!"
Ango and Odasaku both fixed their eyes on Dazai.
Dazai shrank in his seat, "you make it sound so bad, Chuuya..."
Chuuya grimaced, "that's because it was that bad."
Ango's eyes narrowed into a glare and Odasaku just stared at him blankly.
"Come on, don't look at me like I'm a criminal..." Dazai smiled innocently, "I stoped when he asked me to."
"You only stopped when I threatened you with violence," Chuuya grumbled.
"Those weren't threats, you *did* hit me!"
"You aren't helping your case," Ango pointed out.
Dazai pursed his lips angrily as he muttered, "it's Chuuya's fault for wearing almost nothing..."
"Like I had a choice! You didn't have to be sitting with me!"
Dazai sank somehow farther, "I had orders to be touching you..."
"Not like that!" Chuuya exclaimed.
Odasaku looked at them both, "like what?"
"I was only playing around," Dazai smiled, "normal teenager things."
Chuuya scoffed, "he's a real pervert, you know."
Odasaku nodded slowly, "yeah, I had noticed some of the things he says about you are pretty-"
Dazai sent him a pleading look, begging him not to continue.
But the damage had already been done.
Chuuya looked at Odasaku in fear, "what the hell has Dazai been saying about me?"
"Nothing bad," Odasaku shrugged. "One time he said he wanted to see you in a mini skirt."
"Odasaku!" Both Dazai and Ango yelled in unison.
"What?" He asked. Chuuya was so shocked that he didn't have words.
"In my defense," Dazai started slowly.
"Nothing you say will make that any better." Chuuya shook his head with a disappointed look on his face.
Dazai was surprised that Chuuya wasn't trying to murder him right now... Why wasn't he angry?...
Odasaku thought to himself for a moment, then he asked, "why was Chuuya not wearing anything earlier?"
Dazai covered his face in agony, "he was wearing a hospital gown! Because he was in the hospital wing!"
"Ohhh," Odasaku nodded, "now it makes more sense why he was so mad at you."
Chuuya stared at Odasaku, "What else has Dazai said about me?"
"Please!" Dazai grabbed his arm, "he'll kill me!!!"
Odasaku pat Dazai on the head, "don't worry, I'll protect you."
Chuuya rolled his eyes and Ango continued to listen in silence.
Dazai whined, "it's not like I mean everything I say, anyways! Sometimes I just talk for the sake of talking!"
Odasaku nodded, "right." He looked up at Chuuya, "he talks about how pretty you are a lot."
"Huh?" Chuuya blinked.
Dazai was frozen. How could Odasaku betray him like this?! He couldn't figure out how he should act!
"Pretty?..." Chuuya looked at the back of Dazai's head.
"Yeah," Oda nodded, "sometimes he says you're beautiful, too. He also talks about how strong you are quite a bit."
Chuuya wasn't sure what to think. He was pretty sure that Odasaku wasn't lying... did that mean that Dazai kind of admired him?...
Ango chuckled to himself, "Odasaku, don't tease them too much. We don't want them burning down the bar."
"You're right," Odasaku turned Dazai's chair around. "It's Dazai's job to tease Chuuya, anyways."
Dazai was very red in the face, "you guys are awful!"
"Did you really say that about me?" Chuuya asked. He seemed almost afraid of the answer as he waited.
"Of course, they're all true. I also talk about how horrible you are quiet often! I complain about your annoying yelling, too!"
"True," Oda took a drink.
Ango sighed, "stop enabling this..."
Chuuya frowned, "whatever. You're dumb anyways. I don't care what you say."
"Really?" Dazai asked. Then his lips spread into a smile, "then I think Chuuya's got the prettiest and sparkly-est blue eyes!" He leaned against the bar, resting his chin in his hand as he looked at Chuuya. "Chuuya has a really cute smile, too. Well, when no one is looking anyways."
Chuuya continued to ignore him, swishing his drink and staring at it blankly. Though, he started to feel embarrassed. Dazai didn't normally tease him like this when other people were around... and he had apparently talked about Chuuya a lot with these people. He recognized Ango, but he didn't have a clue who the other guy was.
Dazai narrowed his one visible eye at Chuuya, "and I think you looked better with almost nothing on."
Chuuya held his glass tighter, "you shut your mouth."
"I thought you didn't care about what I said???"
Ango sighed loudly, "Dazai, what did we say about inside thoughts?"
"Whattttt? Why would I keep that inside when Chuuya's reactions are so priceless!?" Dazai laughed.
Chuuya slowly let go of his glass and put his hands in his pockets. "Let's just go," he turned in his chair and got down.
"Huh? Already? But you just got here," Dazai spun around.
"Exactly. Whatever boss wants us to do could get ten times worse if we dilly dally."
Dazai sighed, "I hate it when you're right."
Chuuya rolled his eyes with a scoff, "you hate me anyways."
Dazai stared at him, "that's not true at all."
Chuuya frowned, "I'm going to leave without you."
Dazai sighed as he hopped down, "you're so difficult sometimes. You know, dogs are supposed to listen to their masters."
Ango almost gasped. Almost. He didn't think Dazai would actually said something like that. He thought the whole "Chuuya is my dog" thing was a joke...
Chuuya grabbed Dazai's tie and tightened it way too tight. Then he turned around and started pulling Dazai towards the stairs by his tie like a dog on a leash.
"Hey!" Dazai frowned, "I said *you're* the dog, not me!"
"Not anymore," Chuuya said dismissively.
"Bye," Odasaku waved as the two boys bickered their way up the stairs and out of the building.
Ango stared at them in bewilderment.
"You should really stop being surprised when it comes to Dazai," Odasaku pointed out.
"I know..." Ango spoke slowly, "but shouldn't Chuuya know that Dazai likes him?... How can he think it's only teasing at this point?"
Odasaku shrugged, "he's probably in denial. Dazai would be someone terrifying to be in a relationship with."
Ango sighed, "he'd be a nightmare... I feel bad for Chuuya..."
Odasaku shrugged again, "Dazai will adapt and learn how to be nice to him. Then again, Dazai might be perfectly happy just being by his side and teasing him."
Ango nodded, "you're right... He probably doesn't want to get so attached..." Then he sighed heavily, "why did you have to go and tell him we've kissed...?"
"Why not? It's true and it felt appropriate for the conversation."
Ango shook his head, "we'll never hear the end of it..."
"I don't mind," Odasaku put his hand on top of Ango's.
Ango's face instantly got three shades redder, "don't say things like that..."
"Why not? It's true."