this wasn't the f*cking plan (VegasPete crack)

this wasn't the f*cking plan...

    Vegas was angry. Very, very angry, in fact. Beyond furious.

"I think the condom broke, love," Pete murmured sheepishly.

"I figured that out. What the fuck do you mean it broke?"

Pete pulled out of his lover carefully, wincing at the sensitivity. He lowered his gaze, smiling foolishly before the atomic explosion.

"God DAMMIT," Vegas screamed.

A month later, the two of them were sitting in Dr. Top's office.

"This is crazy, right?" Pete asked again. Vegas sighed, reaching out to squeeze Pete's hand. He could never stay mad at Pete, and it wasn't like he had broken the condom on purpose.

Dr. Top knocked before entering the room again.

"This is a medical miracle, and I'm not sure how to explain it, but you're pregnant."

Vegas's jaw dropped. A baby. He couldn't have a baby. It wasn't possible. He turned to look at Pete, who had the audacity to look ecstatic.

"Vegas! We're gonna be dads!"

Six months and several bullet holes in the walls later, Vegas was about to burst.

"I can't possibly get any bigger, Pete, you bastard!"

Pete rubbed his hands together, bowing before his very pregnant lover.

"I'll repent until I die, Vegas," he said before handing Vegas a bowl of ice cream with a cold banana, the way he liked it.

Vegas looked at Pete's cute smile, his dimple making an appearance, and burst into tears before shoving a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

"It should have been you! You would have looked so cute pregnant! I just look like a fucking WHALE!"

"The sexiest whale!" Pete said quickly, but Vegas only sobbed louder.

"I'll get you back for this, Pete, you bastard!"

Pete nodded, moving quickly to rub Vegas's swollen feet as he knew it would calm him down.

"And then I woke up!" Pete said cheerfully, "Although I wish I had gotten to see what our baby looked like. I bet he would have been so cute!"

Vegas, shocked and appalled, had listened in stunned silence as Pete had shared his latest mind-blowing dream.

"Pete," Vegas said once he could operate his jaw again after picking it off the floor. "I love you, honey. I really do. But no more sweets before bed, okay?"