(MTWBWY) Entries

Crazy Buffalo Letters (romance)

TO: jilliek@risingsun.rh
FROM: crazybuffalo@mw.gov

Whoop whoop! It's happening Jillie. It's actually happening. They are leaving. I guess the riots wore them down. Well maybe? Dr. Mkandawire says it's more to do with the fallen price of Uranium. Who cares? They're leaving whatever the reason. You said they'd never leave.

No. This isn't me saying 'I told you so'. It's me saying 'isn't it amazing'. It's me grinning from ear to ear. It's me soaring. Most of all, it's me saying I wish you were here.

Xx
Kondwani

TO: jilliek@risingsun.rh
FROM: crazybuffalo@mw.gov

Outside, people are dancing. The streets are bursting. Where did they get all the whistles? You remember that night after the Africa cup. That was nothing compared to this.

By the way, I'm keeping my position. I have a new supervisor of course. I won't miss that bastard Mr. Patat. It's amazing I can actually type that without worrying. Let's go all the way. Mr. Patat was a fat asshole with genital warts :) Wow that felt good. I've been repressing that for a decade.

What am I doing? I started this message with a clear purpose and now I'm going on about Mr. Patat. Typical. In fact, I wanted to ask in the last email I sent you but I chickened out.

Here goes. A leap of faith and all that jazz. Cards on the table, pistols out, arms akimbo. Will you come back now that they are gone? I know it's been almost a decade and we went from daily messages, to weekly, to birthdays and Ramadan. But that is not indicative of a lessening of my affection. 'Indicative of a lessening of my affection'. Dear lord. Whenever I try to talk about my feelings I end up vomiting up sentences that would be better suited to a university student's thesis. Let me try again .

I still love you. I miss you. Will you come back?

Kondwani.

TO: jilliek@risingsun.rh
FROM: crazybuffalo@mw.gov

OK, when I sent you that last message I was caught up in the excitement. You haven't replied and I understand. After all these years I must seem ridiculous. Just ignore what I said. Mavuto Malewezi's coronation (everyone's calling him 'MM') will be tomorrow. The Daily Times cartoon had MM with a cape, trident, and a boot pushing the Sultan's face into a pile of manure. Subtle eh.

I'm hoping when he takes power things will calm down. You've probably heard about the violence. People are targeting Turkish businessmen. Mustafa is terrified. Remember Mustafa? He ran that laundry business where you used to take the hotel beddings. His nine year old daughter was playing on Tuesday and someone called her a burkha bitch. How can someone direct such hatred at a child?

He says he's thinking about leaving. It's sad. He grew up here. His Chichewa's better than mine. Where will he go? He's never even been to Ankara. The crazies who want to seize all Turkish businesses are idiots. Didn't what happened in Tanzania teach anybody anything?

What else? That statue of Abdulmecid II that used to make you laugh has been torn down. I have his head. Really! I was driving past and I saw the toppled statue. Its head had been decapitated by the fall. It was much heavier than I expected. I had to roll it to the car. Part of the forehead is broken off but the twirly moustaches are intact :) I'm keeping him in your study. The houseboy thinks I've gone nuts.

I just realized I called it your study. It hasn't been that in years. It's officially 'the guest room' though I rarely have guests. The house is too big, too quiet, and too empty. I'm lonely. Can we just put the declaration in my last email down to that? I'm still the crazy buffalo charging in without looking this way or that. Please ignore what I said and reply. You know I print out all your messages and read them like handwritten letters.