A Walk To Remember

Chapter 3

POV Eda

It's been three weeks since I've felt completely lost regarding my feelings. Things are getting clear now. I had to speak with Melo about all this mess. And yes, I may have deeper feelings for my best friend, but I have to keep them inside of me. He's in a relationship with someone else and he seems pretty happy.

My friends and I are reunited tonight because, in a very few minutes, I'll get the results of my college application.

This is a big moment and I'm so nervous. I'm glad I have my friends with me, but he's missing and my heart breaks a little because of it. Serkan has been missing a lot of things lately. He's not around like he always was. Every time we try to include him in our plans he refuses saying he has things planned already.

I don't judge, he has a girlfriend and he wants to spend time with her. After all, he's returning to Paris within a week more or less. He always spent the month of august here and then would return to Paris.

But he promised he would be here tonight because he knows how important this is to me and how much I fought to go to college.

I try to dismiss this feeling of disappointment. If he could, he would be here, right?

"Nothing yet?" Kaan asks me. I can see my brother is as nervous as me.

"Nop," I tell him refreshing my e-mail one more time.

"You've got this Edacim," Melo tells me squeezing my free hand.

Melo has been my biggest supporter for the last few weeks. I told her about everything I was feeling and she made me realise that my feelings for Serkan may exist for a longer time than I had realised. The thing is that I've never thought about the possibility of Serkan having a girlfriend. It was the two of us since I can remember. And then someone else comes into his life and that scared me. I know things are different now and I'm learning how to live with this new reality. It's still complicated inside of me to try to explain things.

I refuse to talk about this to anyone else. I know Melo won't tell anyone about this. She told me I should take the risk and talk to Serkan. But what would I say? 'Hi Serkan, now that you have a girlfriend, I realise that I may have feelings for you'? I can't do this to him, now that he is happy with Selin. And the feelings are not mutual, I know it. But that's fine, I can handle this. This is just nonsense that will pass soon. I better have Serkan as my friend that not have him in my life at all.

"Stop worrying, you're already in," I hear his voice behind me which makes me jump on my chair.

"You scared me! And don't say that, I may not be accepted."

"Don't talk nonsense."

He says pulling a chair next to me. He's smiling at me and somehow I feel more relaxed now.

My friends start talking around me, but I can't hear anything about what they are saying. I'm too focused and nervous looking at my phone, waiting for a simple notification. I never thought I'd be this nervous. 

A sound on my phone makes everyone go silent. I immediately grab it and stand up. I walk a few steps away from my friends. I'm not capable to open the email in front of them, although I can feel everyone staring at me.

I open the email and I wasn't accepted on my first option. Tears come into my eyes immediately.

I keep reading it and I was accepted on my second option. I'm going to study foreign languages, a dream come true! I can't hold my tears anymore and I turn back to my friends. I can see their sad expressions because I am crying and I start laughing. As I said, I'm a mess when it comes to feelings and emotions.