What It Means To Die

Alternate Storyline Titled: Kaleidoscope

                                       

What is death exactly? No one knows. But everyone is afraid. For a lot of other people though, death is an escape, a place to run and hide from the overwhelming noise of the living world. I have no friends, no family that cares for me, no especially nice people. Only me, brown haired, blue eyed Florence. As I walk through these walls, this school, on this mountain, in this forest, I know they don't see me. I'm separated from the world, through an invisible wall. If I died would it be such a bad thing? If I just faded from this class, this lesson, this school, this world, would anyone even care? Would anyone notice? And if they did, by some off chance notice, would they just laugh?

Sharp laughter ripped me out of my thoughts. I wiped my head around, my class isn't here, so who laughed? Where... Where am I? Who's laughing? I can't listen to this laughter. I'm trembling, I don't know why. Why am I on the ground? Why am I shaking? Why am I scared?

"Stop It!" I screamed, "Just shut up!". The laughter paused for a second, then started up again, as if mocking me. I should go back, I know that, I should just leave now. But... What is that? That light... dancing against the trees, throwing shadows all around the clearing. It's.. a fire, I can tell. But who lit it? Why is there no one here? Why would someone light a fire in the middle of the bush, in the middle of the day? ... again. I can hear someone's laughter. A soft giggle, though with no trace of warmth. A laugh filled with anger, madness, and longing. Longing for something to come, to show that there is a reason to still exist in this world. Laughter from someone like me.

I don't know when I fainted, why I fainted. All I know is that I was found. Not by my class, of course, but by a gardener. Not because someone was worried about me, but because someone happened to stumble across me while doing their job. I remember a fire, a laugh that made me shiver and fear for my laugh for the first time. And then, the dark forbidding arms of the world. Pulling me down to black, to death. Never mind. I need to go to class.

The first thing I noticed, what I now know, is that I'm more separated than ever. Not because of them, because of me. I can't concentrate. My vision is warped. Warped like I'm watching the world through a pane of glass, like I'm not a part of it. Everything I hear is scratchy and distant, and even my sense of touch is different.

I could stay here forever, in this desolate place. My sight is rimmed with black. I feel like the world in front of me is a movie, and I'm watching it from the front seat in an abandoned movie theatre. Only, this movie is black and white, and fading in and out with every second. And so, so glitchy. I think I could get used to this. A maniacal laugh escapes my lips. I'm glad no one is here. I have the eyes of a crazy person right now. My laugh is sure to sound mad, and dark. Even I know that. Anyone who saw this would think that this world has driven me to insanity. And that person would be right.

I can't take it anymore. Not since that person's laugh, not since that fire. Something in me has snapped, and now I've been lit up like never before.

They underestimate me. "She's just a kid" they think, "She's the weird girl that nobody likes". But I'm not nothing. I'm a venomous snake, insane and waiting to strike. I'm willing to do anything. Anything to fill this void, and to finally be acknowledged.

The day goes by in a flash. I guess that's because I've barely noticed it. It's just me. They don't notice me. My hair is braided today, but they don't know that. If I was anyone else they would. They would probably even notice the shiny periwinkle hair ribbon I tied at the bottom of my braid. So I made a decision. I don't care what happens to me. Tonight I'm going back to the forest. Through those trees, to that fire. I don't know the way, but that's okay. I didn't know the way before either, my fading, scarred soul guided me. It led me to that clearing. I changed the second I saw that fire, heard that laugh. But it makes no difference. Now the girl who belonged to that laugh and I, are one and the same. Lost, broken, and angry. That's why I'm certain that I can find the clearing again.

I don't need a candle. For one thing, it would just get me discovered. But I've walked these halls over and over. I could find my way with my eyes closed. Not that it's much different in this pitch black. But I can still remember that fire, dancing in front of my eyes, blocking out the rest of the world and training my focus on the slow hypnotic dance of the flames. Perhaps I know I'm walking into a trap, but I have no fear, I have nothing to lose. These trees are a cage. This mountain is a place of mysteries. People have died in this forest, and they were swallowed by the world. This mountain, this school, were created by death and murder, and now it's my turn to contribute to that legacy. These trees are like archways, leading me towards my destination. The air is turning colder, telling me that I'm almost there. Finally, I'll be free.

I've arrived. It's dark here, very dark. I can tell this isn't a normal clearing, and that isn't a normal fire. It's emitting a soft white glow. But white as in cold white, the kind of white that says: Death is coming. The fire has no sparks, meaning it is not burning. There's no heat here, almost as if the fire is producing the cold.

I can't hear any laughter, still no one is here. I guess I'll wait. There's something about this suffocating darkness, the unnatural still, the cold, that puts me off. Whoever lives here certainly is no longer human.

I wait and wait. Every second feels like eternity, I can't get a sense of time. It's almost as if the world is running on a different timeline to this clearing. Or maybe, this clearing is running on a different timeline to the world. Maybe I should go back. It's cold and even though I'm sitting next to the fire, it isn't any warmer. I'll just leave and come back tomorrow. Wait, I can't move! Why can't I move?

Laughter. There's the laughter again. It surrounds me on all sides, echoing through every inch of the clearing. But it still sounds distant. The night is pressing in on me from all sides. I can't move and the dark is creeping into my brain. The fire is slowly getting smaller too, and darker. All I can see is black.

I don't think I lost consciousness. But I must've because the clearing is different. The night retreated, and the fire is completely gone. Somehow, that doesn't give me a good feeling. More like the opposite. But the girl is still laughing. And she sounds closer now. 10 steps away. 5 steps. 3 steps. 2 steps. 1 step. My breath catches in my throat, she's standing right next to me.

Blood. That's all I know. That's all they know. A periwinkle blue hair ribbon and blood. So much blood. And surprisingly, no body. Just a puddle of blood and a hair ribbon. That's the only thing they know about me now. It's sort of amusing really. But it's downed by the fact that I don't know where I am. There's only black here, nothing else, stretching as far as the eye can see. I'm so so scared, but there is nothing I can do about it. The black is all that exists now, and all that will.

For eternity, the dangerous depths of the human heart will reign. Dying means falling down to dark because of the eternal night of the living world, the world of deceptions and concealed illusions. Death cares not for the terrified souls that it drags down to this abysmal void. It does not care for the cries and screams of those who are close to Deaths' victims. It cares only for itself, and for the greed that tears everything apart. That's the kind of monster death is. And I, like all those before me, was foolish enough to deliver myself to Death's door. Unaware of the insipid horrors that awaited me. Foolishly thinking death was an escape.