❤️HeartStopper🍂 ✨One-shots✨

Late Night Breakdown (Charlie)

Ship: None
Type: Angst with a happy ending

⚠️Tw: Mentions of eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, death, panic attack, and abandonment issues.⚠️
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{Charlie's POV}

4:15 am is what I read when I went to check my phone, blinding me in the process. I turned off my phone as I leaned my body against the wall, making my bed squeak from the movement. I hugged my knees, letting my head rest on top as I could feel my body aching. My stomach was aching, growling since I haven't been eating recently. My insecurities had come crashing down on me once again, and I thought I was finally able to have some sort of peace-even if it was just for a night. Guess my mind had other plans though. Unfortunately.

I felt my eyes flood, causing my vision to be blurry. I wanted to hold them back-I needed to! What if someone in the house heard me wheep? I'm only gonna be more of a burden than I already am. I know my parents and my sister love me, but I can't help but listen to the little voice in my head that says otherwise-and it draining! I have an amazing friend group, a loving family, and the best boyfriend I could ever ask for; but do I really deserve it all? What if Nick was just like Ben? Does he feel ashamed about dating boy? Is that why he wanted us to date privately, just like Ben did? No-Nick is different! He isn't that arsehole, Ben. But, that just left a question in my head, what was his motive? Was Nick just using me? Was I just a scapegoat to him?

I felt my eyes flood more as I start to cry out a waterfall from my eyes. My mind was aching, the voice in my head screaming at me with the volume turned all the way up. It made my head spin as I just felt so exhausted and dizzy from the lack of sleep and food.

I felt like death.

I could barely control my breathing as I kept sobbing and chocking on my tears. I kept trying to was away the tears, but they just kept coming out which had started to sting my eyes a bit. I felt my hold body become paralyzed with fear; fear that everyone I know is probably using me. Terrified that those around who I've become close with is gonna one day throw me to the wolves, leaving me to either to be devoured or fend for myself. Ha-knowing me I would instantly die because I'm just that weak of a human being. Why couldn't I be like the other blokes and actually have some muscle and have a good body? Why am I so fat?

"Why can't I just be good enough...?" I chocked out, sobbing into the scars that covered my arms. Some of them were old, but the majority are fairly fresh. I only gave myself those scars as a punishment; a punishment of not being good enough, being fat, and just being such a useless human being! I know when people mention how no one would care if they're gone, only to be met with the opposite reaction, but I just feel like if I actually disappeared from the face of the earth nobody would care. Then again, knowing the fact of how once you die, you will stay dead forever.

You don't get a second chance. You just stay gone forever.

The voices in my head started to slowly consume my common sense, my body was trembling as I couldn't move my aching body. My vison starts become blurry, not being able to make out anything at all. My breathing had become quicker, out of pace and rhythm. I could feel my heart pounding against my ribcage like a drum, as if it wants to break out.  That's all I could hear. Just the lound THUMP THUMP sound of my heart aching and pounding, causing my chest to hurt. I tightly closed my eyes, hoping for this nightmare to end.

It'll never end. Is what my brain kept repeating over and over again. I could feel my skin becoming unbearable to wear, as if something was crawling all around inside me. All I could feel is pain. Pain was my friend, pain was my enemy, pain is what I've constantly felt for all these years that it's been tearing me apart limb from limb. Waiting to decapitate me and have my head hung on the wall as some sort of sick trophy.

Pain was a poison that can never be cured.

My thoughts had become flooded with such negative I didn't notice a pair of arms were wrapped around me. I opened my eyes slowly, first thing noticing was that my room was bright. I quickly shuffled my eyes down to find my sister, Tori by my side holding me gently. She had her eyes closed. I found the strength to lift my left arm up to remove any tears that were on my face and eyes, then layed it down gently. I rested my head gently above my sisters, still letting out a few sobs.

"I'm right here Charlie..." I heard my sister spoke.

"Everything will be ok.." She held onto me tight, but still allowed to have some breathing room. I took this time to allow my breathing to go back into a normal pace; not too fast and not too slow. My eyes shot open.

"D-Does mom and dad..?"

"No. They're still asleep." Tori quickly answered my question. I let of a heavy sigh of relief. I looked over to my nightstand to find a cup of water had been placed. I tapped my sister gently on the shoulder, and she looked at me. I pointed at the cup of water and she lets go.

"I was getting myself a cup of water, but then I saw you had your door open and saw you were having a panic attack. So, you should take a sip to get some of hydration into your system." I nodded taking the cup and taking a big sip of it, feeling refreshed.

"Thank, Tori."

"No problem." Tori said as she got up. She headed towards the door before looking back.

"If I were you, I would probably try and sleep in tomorrow. I can tell our parents your sick or something."

"Can Nick come over?" I asked, looking hopeful. She smiled as she rolled her eyes playfully, giving me an answer. I smiled as my room went dark and my door being shut softly. I quickly grabbed my phone and texted Nick, knowing he would answer me when he woke up. With the text sent, taking another sip of water, I slowly slipped under my bed covers and got snuggled up until I felt comfortable. Maybe tomorrow won't be such an awful day, or the rest of the night. I texted Tori a quick 'thank you' followed by a 'goodnight'.