Two Truths. One Liar.

9~Controlling Conscience

I desperately try to block out the sounds by covering up my ears with my shaking hands. I scrunch my eyes up trying to stop myself from crying anymore. Am I cursed with clumsiness? Why does the world hate me! What did I ever do wrong? You were born, that's what you did wrong. The voice inside my head is getting louder and louder, like a hammer cracking my skull and seeping into my brain. I am still spread out in the floor unable to feel my waist down, my legs are puffy and purple. As for my back, it's so swollen that I can't move it even if I tried. My eyes flutter open and I see a little girl staring into my eyes in utter shock. She is still, her mouth is wide open and her eyes are worried and concerned. She is scared as if she was the one that is hurt. I want to get up, for her, and prove that I'm okay. But we both know that I'm not, I'm dying, and she seems to be the only one that cares. Who am I fooling, I was in hospital anyway and my whole body is purple and swollen now. I'm stuck in this position, with all my strength I try to move but I can't. You'd think that this is better than being in pain, but I feel more scared than before and can't do anything to tell anyone.

My thoughts are interrupted by thumping footsteps coming closer to me. I fix my vision in this little girl and every few seconds everything goes blurry. People are now shouting in a concerned voice but it sounds like nonsense. A doctor comes and turns me onto my back and starts saying calming sounds while I see others wheeling a bed over to me. I stare at the girl as I get higher into the air suddenly and put on the bed. I know I'm on the bed but I am panicking because I couldn't feel them lift me up! I'm getting wheeled away but keep staring at the girl, she seems to be the only one who cares yet I have no idea who she is. She seems so familiar, where do I know her from? Brown hair, hypnotizing brown eyes and thick eyebrows. Then it hit me. This isn't a little girl, it's Abby.

I want her to come with me, to calm and comfort me, to assure me that it's okay, to help me prove that my conscience is wrong. People are jabbing needles into me as I'm rushed down the corridor and into a lift. They're shouting, but silently like mimes. Now all I can hear is an ear piercing high pitched buzz. My heart is beating fast with all these 'what if' thoughts that it feels like it's in my throat. It's blocking up the way to my lungs and I think I'm choking. I gasp for air but that makes everything worse, the room is spinning and blurry and my heart won't slow down. Suddenly an oxygen mask is slapped onto my mouth and nose and I see my body arms getting less purple. I am still inflated like a balloon or marshmallow, but at least I have working circulation again. My chest is getting tighter though, it feels like millions of people are walking on top of me. I want to scream in pain and get help, but I'm forced to go on the train to hell. My eyes are twitching and the world is fading away from my grasp. I scan the room rapidly for some guidance on what to do or someone or something to comfort me. Then everything goes pitch black and I fear no one can save me now.

I awake and looking at the light above me makes me feel sick. I'm dizzy and my head is pounding just like my heart. I can hear shouting and but I can only understand a few words that the doctors are saying like 'if we give her' and 'she might' and 'it's possible that'. They must be talking about medical treatment or something like that. I only think I blacked out for a minute as I'm being pushed through the lobby and am out of the lift, well judging by the ceiling as I can't move. People are muttering to each other and I am surrounded by hundreds of people, I am so hot that I'm sweating! Now I being pushed outside but as the door closes it hits my bed, sending me flying across the room and landing on the cold marble floor with a nosebleed. I can't breathe properly and am breathing heavily, trying to get more oxygen into my lungs.

Familiar voices are screaming in the background, calling my name?! "Liv! Where are you?" I hear someone shout then they gasp. They run over to the corner that I'm in and roll me over, I stare at Jaz and try to speak but only a groan comes out. "Guys over here! She's over here!" She shouts,"You'll be okay. They're getting help," she whispers into my ear. Then the others rush over and crowd aroung me saying soothing things. Zoe, Joe, Alfie, Casper, Jim, Marcus, Louise, Tanya, Naomi and Abby are here. They really do care, Zoe gave up her speech and opportunity to be on tv for me! A tear runs down my face as I think about it. "It's okay, we'll get you to the hospital soon," Zoe says in between sobs. She must think I'm sad! I'm not sad, in fact I couldn't feel happier! Instead of feeling pain I feel loved. "Come on lads, we need to get her there quickly, I don't think she can breathe," Joe instructs the boys. I actually forgot I can't breathe! I begin gasping for air and spluttering, I think I just inhaled my lungs (Dan and Phil referance😅).Then Marcus, Joe, Jim and Casper lift me up and carry me through the fans, out of the doors and into the hotel while Alfie moves everyone out of the way and slams the hospital doors shut. We all sigh of relief as they put me on a hospital bed and I am taken away from what feels like my family. Abby, Zoe, Louise and Naomi are crying a bit and the boys are comforting them as Jaz runs after me. She tries to grab my arm and pleads the nurse to let her come with me but the nurse frantically shakes her head no and I am pulled down the corridor away from them all. I feel as if my heart has actually been ripped out. Im going to die, and i'll never see my friends again.

Hope you enjoyed! I'm trying to update more regularly now which means multitasking; I never knew I could write, sing to my playlist and ride an exercise bike at the same time!