Oneshots LGBTQ

The Prince's bodyguard

TW: Death

His death broke me and shattered me into a million pieces. All I could think about was the feeling of my heart that stopped beating for a second and the feeling of pure sadness that run through my veins. I couldn't even cry at first, i just couldn't cry. What was wrong with me. Or is it normal? I don't know and I don't care. Now that I'm alone I can feel the tears coming. The treacherous burning in my eyes that tells me that I'm about to cry and the feeling as if something is stuck in my throat.
I wish I could scream or break anything at all. I want to hurt someone but I can't. I just can't do anything else except lying in my bed and staring at the wall.
Silent tears start dropping on my pillow and suddenly the truth about his death overcomes me and I start sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow.
I replay his death in my head over and over again. How he died in my arms, his blood all over my clothes and with a cocky smile on his face. He died for me, because he needed to save my life. He always said that he will die for me but as stupid as I am with 18, I thought this day is still far away. I just couldn't imagine a single day in my life without him.
We grew up together, we played in the garden as little boys and then learned fighting together when we got older. Together no one could stop us and we are the reason that more than one teacher  quit their job. We were always up to trouble, always finding a way to sneak away so that we could play or relax instead of learning whatever we were supposed to learn.
When we got older we started to talk about girls and spent even more time together. But on my 15th birthday everything changed. We run away from my party and sneaked into the kitchen to steal some cookies and orange juice. We almost got caught but he pushed me into a niche in the wall and we were so close. His body was pushed against mine and I could feel his breath on my lips. I just kissed him, and to my surprise he kissed me back. Since then we sneaked away from many party's or official feast to kiss in some dark corridors or spent time together. My parents never suspected anything and that was good because I as the crown prince am expected to marry a rich and beautiful women with who I am going to have many offsprings.
But the only thing I ever wanted was Finch, my best friend since childhood and my bodyguard since he turned 18.
He was one year older and almost a head taller. His dirty blond hair was curly and he cut it almost completely off at the sides. He is build like a wall with big, broad shoulders and being almost two meters tall. I'm not small either but my shoulders are smaller and I am all in all just less muscular. My hair is dark brown, almost black and most of the time just a untamed mess on my head. Finch always told me how much he loved to play with it and that I wasn't allowed to cut it.

A knock in my door snapped me out of my memories and I tried to clean my face with my pillow. Only a couple seconds later, my father came into my room. I looked away, hoping to hide the grief but my father, the king doesn't need to see my face to know my feelings.
I can feel how he sits down on my bed and suddenly I'm buried in my dad's arm. I try to push him away but he wouldn't let me go. I start crying and sobbing in his arms and he just holds me and cradles me in his arms.
I don't know how much time has passed but my tears slowly started to dry and my sobbing stopped.
I was tired, so tired of everything.
My father who still hold me in his arms combed through my hair and gave me a kiss on the head.
"I know that you loved him son. And I also know that he loved you too."
This was the last word I heard before I fell asleep.
*Maybe I am not so alone after all. *