Under the Stars

BONDED

The trek back through the gates after his first expedition was hellish. After the open sky and fresh pine scented air beyond the wall, Levi felt a deep constricted feeling growing in his chest as they passed through that dark tunnel, dragging the wounded and dead into the crowded city streets of Shiganshina. He was more tired than he had ever been in his life, and the pressure in his chest didn't let up even as they passed through the inner gate of Wall Maria and into open land again. He kept his head down, focusing on the keeping his feet in the stirrups, the sound of the wagon wheels grating on his concentration. They must be nearing the scout garrison now, he thought absentmindedly, staring at the horses silk mane. The horse was more experienced than he was, and it ambled along with the formation without his assistance, giving him what felt like a moment of rest. The garrison - his mind suddenly snapped to attention.

    He realized for the first time what might be about to happen. He had been so pre-occupied with expending all of his energy on the expedition, just trying not to think about... them. Levi swallowed the lump in his throat. Now was not the time, he was in real danger here. He still didn't fully understand why he had decided to stay on the expedition, why squad leader Erwin Smith had let him, or how he had even survived. The first and most dangerous thing he had learned about the squad leader he had come here to assassinate was that he was a shrewd and maybe even brilliant tactician. Levi couldn't shake the feeling he may have just walked back though the gates and straight into a trap again. Smith knew everything about his deal with Lovof, even before they had left, and he had been confident enough to still test Levi's strength and usefulness to the scouts. What if he had failed his test? He had directly attacked Smith, right in front of Zacharius. What if they decided his performance in the field didn't justify the risk of having him around?

    He looked up, towards the front of the column. Erwin was riding at a slow leisurely pace at the front, and Miche was riding next to him, both in deep conversation it seemed from Miche's gesturing. Neither were looking back at him, so he took a moment studying them from the back. He could easily take one of those giant pricks, but not both... maybe not even one in this state. He hissed under his breathe. What a fool he had been. The pressure in his chest grew as they crested the low hill that hid the garrison, and seeing the buildings laid out below brought him none of the relief it brought his comrades. If only Farlan were here to help him see through this tired haze that felt like bee's buzzing in his head, blocking out all clear thought, help him make a plan like they always did together. At the weight of Farlan's name in his thoughts, he did have a moment of clarity - but it was a viscerally clear image of Farlan's severed body lying in the rain. The scent of blood rushed back to him so strongly that he tasted the copper in his mouth. Levi pulled on the rains, halting his horse and turning it slightly to the side. He leaned over and retched from the saddle. The wounded men in the wagons pulling past watched him with wary eyes, but said nothing. He ignored them, drinking deeply from his waterskin to try and get the taste of blood and vomit out of his mouth.

    His mind raced. He could make a break for it now. He shifted his leg to feel the reassuring pressure of the knife hidden in his boot sheath. He and his horse wouldn't make it very far, but if he made it Trost he could hide... he still had the odm gear on, he could sell it, he could run, now, before they had a chance to get the Military Police to haul their lazy asses all the way out here to pick him up...

"Levi."

    A deep stern voice snapped him out of his manic thoughts. He looked up involuntarily, straight into squad leader Smiths eyes. Shit, he thought, and immediately cast his gaze down again, hoping he hadn't just given away everything he was thinking from the slightly panicked expression his face must be carrying. His chest tightened again, he felt like he was being crushed. He decided to say nothing and hope he would go away.