i'm so tired, i'm hugging El right now. its around 12:00 and i just went to go say goodnight to the kids, El had knew what iv'e said, and what iv'e done to myself. so she decided to hug me softly but it was sad, because she knew everything even if i didn't want her to worry .. she still knew. and i can't protect her from hearing those words come out my mouth 'take me out of this fucking world!' or 'i fucking hate myself! I'm weak!' i couldn't see her beg me to stop saying those things, and cry into my arms. so my objective was to not do those things anymore, i wasn't going to kill myself, and i was going to be clean from self harm. i'm gonna try my hardest, just for these kids. because i love them, as much as i'm capable of loving anyone.
i told her that i would try to stop, and that i did, i threw away my blade and then went to bed. i called billy and told him i loved him "i love youuu" i laugh over the phone "i love you to pretty boy, goodnight" he says laughing with me "goodnight" i stop laughing and smile at his beautiful voice "oh and by the way, max wanted to come by tomorrow, around 2pm" billy says "i have work, she could still come over, no one will be here except the kids" i say "you have work? where?" he says "Family video, why do you ask?" i smile bigger "well .. when do you get off?" he says, i smile even bigger, if thats even possible anymore. i kick my feet back in forth, i squeal in happiness, i was such a simp for billy "4pm!" i say "alright, i'll see you at work tomorrow" billy says, i know he's smiling "aright! see you" i smile "bye, my love" he says "bye" i say back, happy as ever. i hang up and put my phone down, i fell asleep shortly after.
* alarm clock goes off *
i groan, annoyed at the fact that i had to get up so early, i fall off the bed hitting my jaw .. thats gonna leave a bruise, a loud thump follows it "ow! shit!" i yell a little to loud "fuck.." i whisper trying to stand up, my ears ringing, along with the dumb alarm clock. i stop it, and walk up to my dresser, i grab some simple clothes, a sweater along with sweatpants. i go into the bathroom, i take a shower and dry off, putting on my clothes i look in the mirror realizing i still needed to do my hair, i can already see the bruise coming in. the slap mark still slightly there, it burns a lot but i don't care. i run out my bedroom door after finishing my hair knowing i'm a little late i run downstairs "get up!" i yell at them, El and Will already up. "El, you're in charge i gotta get to work" i say running over to the kitchen "are you late? why are you rushing?" mike says just waking up from the yelling "yes i'm late! and i still need to go get robin" i say grabbing cereal from the cabinet "shit!" i whisper to myself, everyone walks over "max is coming over at 2pm, got it?!" i say pouring the cereal and milk into each bowl "this is what you're gonna have to eat for now, when i come back i'll make a nice dinner" i say rushing out the door, grabbing my keys.
i run out to the car starting it, and i start to drive over to robins "get in!" i yell from the car when i pull up "why so tense? i mean yeah, were late. but still" she says hoping in the passenger seat "oh shush" i say and we drive off to family video.
we walk in, Keith is no where to be seen. we sigh in relief, i walk over to the counter and robin goes to put the 'closed' sign away, and she puts up the 'open' sign.
* hours pass | its now 3:46 *
i look at the clock, remembering my shift ends soon, billy was supposed to stop by. i guess he forgot, until i hear a bell ring, i sign and walk over "welcome to Family Video what are you looking for?" i say looking down a little, my chins lifted up to find billy staring at me "you. thats what i'm looking for" he smiles at me, i smile back. he lets go of my chin and backs up a little "i thought you forgot about me" i say smiling at him big "of course i remembered" he laughs a little. "whats with the bruise on your jaw?" he says worried for me "fell off my bed-" before i said anything else he said "who slapped you?!" he yells a little, looking at the red hand mark on the side of my face "don't worry about it" i smile slightly "no, tell me who it was" he demands "i'll tell you later.." i say with a frown, he cups my face and kisses the mark. he backs up a little "you gotta tell me sooner or later" he says.
"hey steve! can you help with these boxes there to heavy-" she turns to look at me "steve? who's this?" she says in confusion. before i could say anything else billy says "oh, i'm his boyfriend, billy" he smiles at her and i am in a little shock, i look away flustered as fuck "wait.. boyfriend?!" she squeals in happiness "since when were you gay?!" she says in excitement, i look back at him smiling like crazy, and still red "why would you say that.." i whisper to billy "i have to make sure everyone knows that you're mine, princess" he whispers back, i am fully red right now "when were you gonna tell me?!" she says "soon.." i smile at her "proud of you" she smiles back "hows you and vickie?" i say "were going on a date tomorrow!" she shrieks in happiness "good for you rob" i laugh at her "i'm gonna head over to your house to babysit" billy smiles "their probably going through my stuff as we speak" i say, sighing in defeat after "love you, darling" he grabs my chin giving me a peck on the lips "nice meeting you robin" he says as we walks out "you too!" she says, robin is looking at me when he left, i am super red "that is your boyfriend?!" she walks over to me "he would top you any day!" she says "robin!" i yell, she laughs "he's taller, he has some strong ass muscle's, and he looks like he would beat some kid up if they looked at you wrong!" she exclaims "okay- okay! i get it rob" i say "you're such a bottom" she laughs, i hit her shoulder playful "robin shut up!" i'm flustered at the fact.
* they were getting ready to leave | its 4:00 *
i drive home after dropping robin off, i walk in and see all the kids with billy "steve, thank god you're here" dustin says "whats the matter?" i laugh, billy walks up to me just to say 'hi' but mike and Lucas say something "don't go near him!" they say mad at billy, billy laughs "i'm not gonna hurt your 'mom' or whatever you call steve" he says, he comes up and whispers in my ear "do you know when they leave? i wanted to have some fun later, if thats fine with you darling" he smiles, i smile and nod, i whisper to him "they leave at 8pm" i say, he nods. i am flustered "when are we gonna meet your boyfriend steve?" dustin says "dustin!" Lucas hits his arm "boyfriend?" max says, shes in shock. i put my hands on my face to block out her shock expression "yes.." i groan out in defeat "i'm fine with it" she says smiling, as i put my hands down "thanks max" i smile at her "why are you not shocked billy?" max asks him "i knew that he had a boyfriend" he looks at her truthful "i was the first one to know" he looks at everyone "are you guys like.. friends now?" will says "yeah" billy says "yup" i add.
i wanna get this out of the way (the different heights) Dustin: 5'5 El: 5'4 Max: 5'3 Lucas: 5'8 Robin: 5'8 Will: 5'9 Mike: 5'10 Steve: 5'11 Billy: 6'1 (cannon expect for billy) NOW LOOK🤭
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