Her hands were still cold. She often dug her nails in the blank walls, tears streaming down her face as she pushed her arms harder and harder until she saw blood. She hated the walls. Disgusting creations made to keep her away from the outside world. Pieces of fabric made so useless yet so cruel. They mocked her. Every night, she held back the urge to scream into the darkness as the walls got closer and closer to the bed she tried to rest on. Lise wished she could cry more and more, pouring all her worries out, watching as they turned into salty tears, fading into the ground as if nothing had happened at all.
The walls hated her. They sealed away her freedom, her taste of the beauty the outside world had to offer. It was not the world she lived in, it was a place far away; sealed by the disgusting walls she hated ever so deeply.
"Sister, I wish to glamorize my death."
Lise's face was empty, void of any kind of human emotion. Her eyes, which were ever so joyful during my childhood, now resembling a corpse's. A girl ready to rot away, almost as if had I touched her wrist she would simply dissapear.
I did not reply. I wish I did. As far as I remember, I wish I did. My sister's face was but a foggy memory refusing to fade away into nothingness just like she had once done. She would continue, the same tone present in her voice the whole time. I felt like I was speaking to a corpse; someone ready to collapse at any moment, maggots crawling out of her lifeless body, joints and skin covered in grey spots, things i cannot name leaking into the floor as the smell hit my nostrils, causing me to gag in disgust and fear. Lise was not disgusting, not at all. I kept telling myself this. She was my beautiful, graceful, kind, brave sister I loved so deeply. She was my other half, my soulmate, my protector. I cursed my thoughts over and over for percieving her in such a foul way. Lise was the same as ever.
It was all me, maggots crawling inside my brain as I tried to sleep at night, eating away at what was left of my being. Perhaps they caused such thoughts. Lise was my guardian angel,
So why could I not tell her my worries? Would it hurt her feelings? Would she think of me differently? Would she notice the worms crawling inside my skull once she leaned in for her signature hug?
