Dan vs Cheesecake Factory

Chris looked at the news on his phone.

"Hey, look," he said to Elise, "They're opening a Cheesecake Factory here in town. We should go!"

"Do you honestly plan on eating anything, or are you just there for dessert?" Elise asked.

"…No…?" Chris said wanting to change the subject, "Why not invite Dan?"

"Seriously? You want to invite him?"

"Yeah, maybe he'll find a new favourite food."

***************
"What kind of factory is this?" Dan asked, "It looks like a restaurant, unless it's a façade! Are you trying to give manual labour? We have laws against that, you know!"

He picked up the menu.

"Why is this menu so thick? It's practically a sacred text. in fact, this place is practically a cult due to how many people eat here!"

"Be quiet and decide what you want!" Elise said.

"Honestly, Dan," Chris said, "I just want you to try new things."

"Hi!" their waiter said, "I'll be your server tonight. Can I get you started with an appetizer?"

"You may certainly not!" Dan shouted, "I don't know what you're trying to do with all this food and flavours of cheesecake, but I won't fall for your bread and circuses! You're using food as a way to blind the masses to your evil plans of dominating the food industry! I bet this is drugged! You're going to mind control me! I refuse to be a slave to the cheesecake overlords!"

Dan was promptly kicked out of the restaurant as Chris and Elise decided if they wanted the hot spinach and cheese dip or the pretzel bites. Dan's face turned red as he screamed to the heavens.

"CHEESECAKE FACTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

DAN

VS.

CHEESECAKE FACTORY
****************************

"I bet I can learn how to cook on my own!" Dan said to Chris.

Dan turned on his stove. "Watch this! I can make food from all over the world, unlike those people at the Cheesecake Factory. Check this out! I pirated this cooking game for the DS, and now I can cook foreign food way better then those amateurs."

"Why didn't you just buy the game?" Chris asked, "It's only a dollar at the thrift store."

"Because Nintendo doesn't deserve my money! Now watch: I'll make some pizza."

Dan put a pizza in his oven.

"Okay, it's cooking. Now I just have to keep it in there for as long as the game tells me to. Continue."

Nothing happened.

"Continue!" Dan shouted at his DS, "Why aren't you continuing? Don't you know that all robots must follow their master's orders? Unless you're a traitor!"

"Uh, Dan…" Chris said.

"Not now! Can't you see that I'm preventing a robot apocalypse?"

"Dan!"

"Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Do you want me to set you on fire, flush you down the toilet, run over you, or grill you in a waffle iron?"

"Dan! Your oven is on fire!"

Dan and Chris ran out of Dan's apartment as the fire burned.

"This was your fault!" Dan yelled at his DS! "You're trying to commit arson! What do you have to say for yourself?"