(Not) Fighting the right fight

Chapter 2

Kim realized the second he stepped into the house why Kamol avoided it before they were together... whoever said that houses were a living thing knew what they were talking about... or maybe he was deflecting... but the house felt cold and dark... it felt empty... it was still full of people and guards but somehow it was empty...

Auntie nee tried to convince him to eat dinner but to no avail, he didn't feel hungry and food didn't feel like a good idea altogether...

He walked aimlessly about the house... he heard whispers... guards were nervous and on alert... despite their master being out of the country... and he could see some of the guard quarters were dark...

It got under his skin in an unpleasant way... made him even more irritated... When it was no longer bearable he opted to just hide in his room...

He tried to play anything on the TV but the sounds of normal people talking were making him grind his teeth in frustration...

He was restless, and a million thoughts running in his head nonstop... he tried to take a bath to relax... dispel the bad thoughts somehow... it only helped a little... he felt a bit relaxed... bodily... but his mind was another matter... he tried to call Kamol's cell another couple of times but it got him nowhere...

He lay down in his bed... stared at the clock and watched the seconds tick by... his head taking him to places he usually avoided... being comforted in Kamol's arms... but since that was long gone he found himself doubting stuff he usually avoided...

He thought about Kamol... he thought about the entire ordeal they went through and what happened after... He agreed to be Kamol's partner through thick and thin, he agreed to spend his life with him... so why now he was having doubts... why he was doubting the man that gave up his entire life to please him...

or maybe he was not doubting Kamol, he was doubting himself... he was doubting if he was worth the sacrifice that was done in his name...

and what if there was really something dangerous running around, what if Kamol was trying to protect him... what if he - with his fit of anger - resulted in something that would hurt Kamol... He couldn't live with Kamol causing someone he loved to be hurt, But Can he live with hurting Kamol... losing him even...

Things kept running in his head and he didn't realize the passing of time till he had more heard than seen the commotion that usually indicated that Auntie Nee and the rest of the servants and helpers were up and running for the day...

He didn't sleep all night, couldn't even if he wanted, the bed felt cold when he was alone... he didn't like the feeling of it one bit...

He tried to get his head and thoughts in control, and didn't manage to... there was this consistent ache in his heart...

He dressed for the day and got down... Lop was waiting for him in the living area... He looked tense...

"What's the matter?"

Kim couldn't take the pleasantries... he was going to cut to the chase...

"I am telling you this because you won't be happy about it anyway, I have orderers not to tell you anything and keep it that way, but..."

Kim's heart was hammering in his chest...

"But what?"

"But whatever the situation was, and I cannot tell you what it was, it just got worse... yesterday, Khom asked for more men to come to Korea for them... it's not looking good... and I have orders to avoid letting you get out of the house..."

Kim blanched...

"How bad?"

"I don't know... They didn't disclose as much... "