Dear Principal

Chapter 7

Those eyes stared dead into mine from the other side of the classroom. It sent revulsion waves through me like Jo didn't want anything to do with my existence. A spark of anger reflected in his glasses, and I could have sworn I saw mistrust. Jo had yet to talk to me for over two weeks, and neither did I make any efforts to approach him. I didn't want anything to do with his aggressive hatred towards me or my decision to stop something that was ruining me as a person. Haden told me not to let Jo's feelings interfere with mine, precisely what I'm trying to prevent. But with those fiery hazel eyes boring into mine, it made me want to apologize for my discourtesy.

I mentally cursed myself for thinking of that, considering I promised myself I wouldn't fall back into old habits.

My tendency to apologize for things I meant and didn't regret is my toxic trait. I immediately apologize whenever I say something or do something to another person, especially when those things aren't exactly what I meant at the time. This creeping guilt would be feasting at my overthinking, and it would bury itself so deep inside my mind that I would eventually apologize to that person to feel relief. My grandmother would tell me not to use my kindness for negative replies. You should not feel guilty if someone makes a funny face because of something you said or did. But Jo was my first and only friend.

Since I started high school, Jo was always by my side.

After a while, Jo stood and left the classroom before the bell could ring. He was avoiding me. There was a mystery in his body language when he was sitting. He was tense but not quite uncomfortable, like he wanted to talk to me but couldn't find the courage.

I quickly gathered my things and followed behind him, keeping enough distance so he wouldn't notice me. I was lousy at keeping my presence unknown because Jo turned on his heel and faced me. The halls were rapidly becoming empty as students rushed to their cars, and after a moment, it was Jo and me, standing and staring at each other.

Jo's expression was nothing more than a blank one, with his hands digging deep into his jeans pockets. His hair was neatly swept back, exposing the dark circles under his hazel eyes.

"What do you want, Oliver?" Jo spoke with a bitterness to his voice I had never heard before.

"What do you mean? You're the one who kept looking at me." I spat.

"Yeah, well, if you weren't dressed the way you are, maybe I wouldn't be gawking at you."

This argument was out of the ordinary. And I could feel tense because this wasn't right, whatever this was.

"What do you mean!?"

Something boiled inside me, and I couldn't quite grasp it. It felt like anger but with a pinch of anxiety. The last time I felt this odd weight on my chest was when my grandparents left.

"You know what I mean," Jo's face softened, "you're adorable, Oliver. And ever since the beginning of our last year together, I've been seeing our Principal gawk at you. I'm not stupid. I know he's into you. But I am too."

My heart banged against my ribcage at Jo's confession. His feet moved closer to mine, and I could feel his hot, minty breath fanning my forehead.

"And I'm sorry I said what I said the other day. I've just been so frustrated with the Principal looking at you that your comment turned me off completely." He continued, "I shouldn't have been mean to you. You didn't deserve it."

I swallowed and took a step back.

Why is Jo coming up to me with this now? Why didn't he tell me before everything with Haden happened?

I couldn't blame him because I was oblivious to his feelings. I should have been more aware and cautious of how Jo was feeling. But on the contrary, what about my feelings? I was as important as Jo. He couldn't have this affection for me, even if he wanted to.