Oh, Brothers (Ferbella)

Chapter 10

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling.  What is wrong with me?  Just last week, I was ready to spend my whole summer pining after Phineas again, but now here I am, thinking about Ferb.  And not in the same way as Phineas.  When I had thought about Phineas, I wanted him to hold my hand, and tell me he loved me.  With Ferb, that is not what goes through my head.  The image of him tearing off his shirt flashes through my head again.  My palms start to sweat again.

No! No.  I refuse to think like this.  I'm just all confused due to Phineas' sudden absence.  I'm not into Ferb.  It's just a projection of my inner confusion about Phineas.  And maybe a bit of my anger towards him too.  I guess I hadn't really realized I was angry until now. 

Oh, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, what have you gotten yourself into?

***

After a short nap and a snack I head back over.  I'm hoping the break has reset my brain.  I take a deep breath before entering the backyard.  Ferb has cleaned up all of the stuff from this morning and is just reading now.

"Hey, I'm back."  I sit next to him, making sure to leave a bit of space.  Just in case.

"Are you okay?"  He stares right into my eyes.  All the automatic responses flit through my head.  Of course.  I'm fine.  Doing great.  But I just can't make myself say them.

"Who knows?"  I chuckle under my breath.

"Phineas?"  The name just makes me put my face in my hands.

"I'm not sure."  I sigh and push my hair back, looking up at the tree above.  "Nothing makes sense anymore."

"I hear that's what becoming an adult is."  He sighs as well, contemplating some unknown problem of his own.

"Well it sucks.  I wish I didn't have to be one."

"Me too, Isabella.  Me too."  He sounds so sad and I take in his face.  I wonder if he is missing Phineas.  That would make sense.  Those two are practically inseparable.  I would know, I've tried many times to get some alone time with Phineas.  Now, I had seemingly endless alone time with his brother.  "We could get out the emotion reader from earlier if you think that would help."

I ponder his offer for a moment. Would it actually help? Sure, I would know what I am feeling. But then I'd have to actually do something about them. What if I don't want to know? So many what ifs.

"Let's do it." I speak before I realize I've even decided.

Alright. Give me a moment." He heads to the garage and grabs the small contraption and his tablet. "You sure you want to?" He double checks as he attaches the device.

"Why not? I'm not sure I can be any more confused than I am now." I close my eyes and focus on breathing slowly.

"Everything is ready when you are."

Okay, first, mom.

"Love. Respect. Embarrassment?" The last one came out a bit confused. But he couldn't see who I'm thinking about, so I just moved on.

Next, Phineas.

"Friendship, anger, sadness." Yeah, he doesn't need to see who that is about. It's pretty obvious.

Okay. I can do this. The last one is the one that scares me the most. Ferb. I think about the past week we've spent together. Falling asleep under the tree. Holding each other after nearly falling off the table. The way his heartbeat felt under my palms.

"Fu-" he swears loudly and slams the tablet down. By the time I open my eyes and sit up, he's slamming the door to the house. What did he see that made him react like this? Did he know it was him? I pick up the tablet of the ground, the screen now cracked. He is angry. I've never seen him like this before. I push the home button and the screen lights up, showing me the results.

The top 3 feelings.
Third: friendship. Good, and unsurprising.

Second: romantic love. New, surprising, and intriguing.

But the first one. Oh dear heavens I am in trouble.

First: Lust. I just sit there, staring at the word. Apparently I am incredibly thirsty for Ferb in a way I never was for Phineas.

What am I going to do?

********
🔥🔥🔥

Wonder how Ferb is feeling about all this....

Xoxo