Happiess is a myth

Ripped Jeans and Shitty Dreams

Crap day. Crap week. Crap life. The bitches at school are after me again, they followed me home. I shut myself in my room and hid until the knocking on the door stopped. I fell on to my bed. As much as there was to think about I still had time to hate myself. I rolled over and looked at the clock it was 9pm. I had spent 4 hours, head under pillow wishing the pain would go away. My parents shout up the stairs asking for me to come down. I crawl out of bed and slowly force my self down the stairs to be created by my mum and dad sitting together in tears. Ow God here we go again I thought. 'Sit down, just here honey' My mum says. I sit beside her. They tell me that I have a big decision to make. At this point my anxiety picks up and my heart beats uncontrollably fast. They tell me its not my fault. But my head screams its all my fault! They tell me I don't need to be upset. It was too late for that, the exploding feeling inside wasn't stopping for anything. I knew what they were going to say... but I wasn't ready to hear it.

I bolted back up the stairs. I locked my bed room door. I knew what they were gonna say and it killed me every time I thought about it. Despite what they said I knew it was my fault. I ruin everything, I just had to ruin there marriage too didn't I. I then face forward onto my floor. I had neither the energy nor the life inside of me to get back up. I lied there for a good hour until I realised there was only one way to make me feel better. I reached for a smallish box under my bed. It contained all of my old blades. So much for a month clean.

Waking up after a night of cutting is unreal. The stinging in my cuts, burning. Triggering me to feel pain. Its rather rewarding to feel pain when I know I fucked up. Not so soon I awoke, I decided to peel myself of of my bedroom floor. I painted my face with all of that artificial shit, so that I can at least blend in. I found my long sleeve shirt, to hide my scabs. Last of all I left my room. I went downstairs to grab my school bag. I skipped breakfast but its fine. I'm fat anyway.

Walking to school is a drag. Everyone who u don't know, judging your every move. I wonder what they're thinking when they look at me; Too much eyeliner, Scarily tall, Ugly as anything. But to be honest I could not give less of a fuck. Why? Because I had my headphones in and I had sleeping with sirens screaming into my ears. They complete my life. Idk why but there music speaks to me, in a way like no other.