I sat and turn around to see the person looking at me. After a few minutes of thinking what to say, I finally decided to speak.
"It's hard. No. Scratch that. It's Difficult. Yeah. That's the word.
It's difficult to face the world Alone.
A crowded place you thought you'll feel alive. A place where you thought you'll never feel isolated and empty and unwanted.
If that's what you think, you're being unreasonably stupid. That only exists in a so-called fantasy. A fleeting dream concealing the nightmare. Grow up. You know the truth. Nothing can change that."
The person in front of me was already crying. Tears full of loneliness, despair, fear, anxiety are rolling down from her eyes. I can see it. I can see her true feelings she hid all this time bursting out. I continued talking despite knowing that the next words will hurt her even more. But what can I do? I don't want her to suffer anymore.
"You're alone! You will always be. "I started again and she looked away. I am slapping the truth afterall. The truth she had always ran away from.
"Because in this world, the only thing you've got is yourself. Nothing more but you alone.
If you think I'm lying, then you're living a life full of lies. A life with no escape. A life full of people wearing a mask. Not only the people around you are lying but so are you. You're lying to yourself. "
Her voice seems to crack as she endeavour to reply.
"You ask why? It's because you're afraid. You are too scared to accept the truth you fear the most. No one is truly honest in this world. No matter how good a person is, he still make mistakes, he still lies. That's a fact for sure you can't deny."
Sorry, she mumbles. But I can't stop now. I need to wake her up from a dreamy lie.
"Why can't you just accept the truth? Is that really hard? Is it really painful? Why do you feel so alone if you're surrounded with a lot of people? Why can't you just be honest with yourself? Why do you keep on pretending like you don't know the truth even if you really knew? Why??"
Why? I wanted to ask her that. Why?! Why is she such a coward? Why can't she face the world. Why can't she face herself? She smiled. She smiled even though she was hurting. I wanted to slap her. Why can't she just stop pretending like everything is fine?
"You know what? It's hard to cry but harder to fake a smile. People feel alone because that's what they think. That's what you think. And yeah. It's true. You're really alone. There's no one you could talk to. You tried but when you were about to reach them, they run and turn their backs at you. That's painful and I know what you feel. That the people who are very dear to you are lying. They tell you they like you but it isn't true. You feel their hatred. Their loathing and dislike towards you. And what's funny is that you still continue to be with them. To smile and laugh with them just because you're scared to be left alone. You're scared to be with no one but yourself. You're scared to feel lonely. To feel the pain of being by yourself."
She can't stop staring at me. Looking me with those eyes filled with loneliness. She knows I am right.
"I'm right aren't I? What I said is true. " I ask still knowing that she'll deny it without saying a word.
"You're like a bird trap inside a cage with no chance of escape. With nowhere to fly and with no one to hold on to.
You wanted to fly away. Away from everything. Although there are figures soaring up in the sky, put in mind that no one is truly free. We are all alone. Simply because there are no roads in the sky.
You'll never be free because you are alone. But will you just stand righy where you are and do nothing? "
"No. You must not." I reached unto her, stared back with hope in my eyes. Some kind of hope she had long forgotten.
"You must continue and go on. Even if you are alone you can do it. Someday you will be able to face yourself and the whole world. You will be able to find a place to call your home. "
She cried more, tears now pouring all the pain. Draining it through drops so she will be filled with courage instead.
"You'll be alright even by yourself." I said, assuring the mysterious tomorrow ahead of her. I do not know what in it for her either but I want her to face it with fire in her eyes. I don't want her to end up again the way she is now.
"Because as long as you're breathing, you still have a reason to continue on living. "
The person in front of me wiped her tears away and smiled. A true one. She knew that from then on, she will be able to face herself. Step by step she said but I know she'll get there. Someday, soon.
Yes, soon.
After that, I stood up and walked away from the mirror.
Smiling, before I glanced back at it where I was looking the whole time.
"I'm alone. But someday I won't be. Till then, I'll continue on living."
~*~
