Playing With Fire [HunHan Fanfiction]

Of Love Loss and Lines Crossed

Luhan spent his hours, lying on his bed, pondering his life choices, weeping, crying for all the mistakes he did once again. Just when he was finally given a perfect fiancé, a man that has no complications, that's when everything fucked up. He once heard that escaping and running away from the past that hunts you will get you nowhere. He ignored it and forced himself to believe that he will get through, that it doesn't matter because he loves Chanyeol truly. Sehun was nothing to him now. All that was left was lingering nostalgia because Sehun once became part of his life, a huge chunk that will never cease, accompanied with incessant what ifs. Whenever he's with Chanyeol, he's not thinking about him anymore. And he admits that he's quite proud of himself because of that. He was that foolish for him before but he totally underestimated the influence that he still has over him. He just didn't expect that it will lead this way. He's finally happy alright? He's done with those heart wrenching self doubts, sleepless nights of misery, and endless shedding of tears. And now, it's as though he returned back to zero; all the efforts he did just to forget him, thinking once again if he deserved all the pain he underwent, countless unanswered questions whether Sehun really loved him or did he even matter to him?

And if he really loved you then?

Oh how much he wanted to choke the life out of his mind.

It's so fucking unfair how Sehun can easily mess his life up. He hates how he can still flip his world upside down. He despises him for reopening the wound that was mended and letting him deal once again with the trauma he gave him. But most of all, he fucking loathes himself for falling on that trap again and there is no one to blame but himself. He took that upon himself just like before. He brought that pain to himself despite his friends' warnings. They've told him numerous times that he's a bad news yet he still persisted. And deep inside, he knew that it will go nowhere yet he still fought for it.

Now, he couldn't even bear to look at his fiancé after what happened between him and his old flame. He doesn't deserve this. His beloved Chanyeol doesn't deserve to be cheated but Luhan just did.

The guilt and pain he feels intensify tenfold everytime Chanyeol's gentle hands hold him as he cries to sleep, as though he's a fragile object that will break if he exerted even a miniscule pressure. He never prodded when Luhan came home with red blotchy cheeks and eyes welling up with tears. Chanyeol never forced him to divulge the reason of his emotional surge. He just hugged him and never left despite of Luhan's insistence for him to go.

"I can have a virtual meeting here, babe. I will never leave you alright? Don't force me to go away because if it's between you and that damn meeting, I will stay with you. It's always you over anything else."

Upon hearing Chanyeol's statement, his heart weeps even more. Those are the words that he badly wanted to hear, words that he hasn't heard from Sehun and it's only Chanyeol, his comfort who could give him that assurance. What happened last night was a complete mistake. It was totally his fault, for taking that bait and Chanyeol doesn't deserve his cheating ass. Luhan doesn't deserve his goodness, he knows that but he's too selfish. He couldn't let him go. He will bury everything he did until he'll die if it means that Chanyeol will stay with him.