Karnak's Reality of Death

4. Mischa

"How was your day at the fair ground ?:)" asked Talia.

"It was great ! I wrote a new rap there !"

It was hard to texting while walking. The road to my house was half broken and all wavy. I mean, is there a single street in Uranium that wasn't like that ?

"Already ? I knew you were quick to write, but not this much !"

"Your Mischa will always have surprises for you, shorty. Because I. Am. The money ! $$$"

"Haha, is that your song ?"

"Yeah."

"Cool :) I gotta go to class, see ya !"

"See ya !"

On my way back home, I thought about how I loved Talia. But lately, it's been... hard ? To love her. Half of the time, it's Noel who comes in my mind. We were friends before, but the Cyclone really bounded us. Love conquers all. What a poet ! He has recited me some. He didn't really want at first, but I insisted. I loved them all. He always speaks about a man who made him feel dangerous but safe. Once, I asked :

"Who are these about ? He must be mad cool."

"Oh, it's... not about someone in particular. Just... My dreams and the ideal man for me."

"I hope you find him, Noel. I really hope."

He ran away. Maybe he had the shits. Maybe.

Now was Noel time, apparently. So be it. I was thankfull of the support he gave me about Talia. Real buddy. Real friend. Real brother. Fuck, a real what ? None of these terms felt right in my head. I didn't want Noel to be my friend or my bro. I... wanted him to hug me again. Am I gay ? Did I love Noel ? It looked like. Talia is the only other person I want to hug. And my mom, of course. I felt nice with him. Like I didn't have to (always) be strong to protect myself. Instead, I wanted to be strong to protect him. Fuck, am I gay ? But I love Talia too, so I can't be gay. Yeah, I'm not gay, I'm straight.

I arrived home. I mean, the Taylor's house. This wasn't my house, my adoptive parents made it really clear to me. I simply made it clear to them that I wasn't their child, and that they wouldn't have this kid so dear to their heart. Sometimes, when they crossed the line, I played a sound of a baby on my phone, at maximum volume. It made Melinda cry, but I didn't care. Would they care, if I cried ?

I rang the bell three times, and waited. They wanted me to do that before coming, so that they could leave the room and not see me. I entered the key in the hole and turned it. Inside, I saw Melinda running all across the room, taking desperately all kinds of papers. She turned to me.

"Go away, you, I don't want to see you !" She spitted, almost hysterical.

She looked like a cat trying to defend its territory. Only, she had already tears to her eyes, like her children already died. Without batting an eye, I complied. But as I closed the door, instead of climbing down to stairs, my legs gave up on me and I sat there, incapable to move or to walk. They menaced to do that since I got off the Cyclone. I was glad they only did it now. I thought about my mom. My real mother. She died from cancer, because of the uranium of Chernobyl. I thought she died, at least. They never told me. I couldn't mourn someone that I wasn't sure was dead, and I couldn't resign myself to accept that she died, so... for now, she was just "probably dead", which for some reason, felt even worse. Tears began to run down my cheeks. I just sobbed silently there. I thought about what Constance said, in the warehouse. How she felt about not enjoying her family as much as she wanted. And I also felt like by dying, no one would miss me, not even my own parents. I wasn't particularly against having an adoptive family, but it felt like I ruined it all. I didn't really know who to be angry at. Myself or them.