Love You to Death~a Johnlock fanfic

Growing apart

I feel like something is happening with John. I always expect the worse, so I must calm down, but something seems off about him. Like there's something he's keeping from me. I'm not going to say because I know that I'm probably wrong, but let's just say he's been staying out really late on some nights and I'm worried that he might... love someone else. At that point I knew that I was just overthinking.
"Shut up Sherlock, he's not!" I muttered to myself, checking my phone for the 3rd time this minute to see if he'd texted me back. He was at some Christmas dinner with all of our friends, I had left early because I just didn't feel like sitting in a crowded room right now. It was already 8:30 and he still wasn't home! I called him again. Voicemail. Maybe they were just having a lot of fun and just wanted to stay out longer.

I suddenly felt the need to sleep, I wasn't tired, but I just wanted to close my eyes and lay in bed. I laid on John's side of the bed like every night he was staying out too late, I missed smelling him beside me so this is the way I make up for it. It's pathetic, I know, but I just couldn't help myself.

I heard the door open and shut around 9:00.
"John?" I yelled, sitting up a bit.
"Yep," he said.
I hurried towards the living room. It was dimly lit and I could only see his silhouette, it reminded me a lot of the dream. He was hanging his coat up on the coat hanger. But then something weird happened. He lifted his head up and just looked at me. Just looked. There was something in his eyes. Some feeling that wasn't familiar, or usual to me. He just didn't look the same.
"You okay?" I said, stepping towards him, still staring into those deep, dark, blue eyes.
"Yeah," he said, taking a unusually long exhale. He was stressed about something. I'm not sure what it was but it was definitely putting a lot of pressure on him. I stepped closer and grabbed his waist.
"Okay." I said, pulling him towards me and kissing him. Something just didn't feel the same. A penetrating guild stabbed me in my stomach. I opened my eyes and pulled away.
"Sherlock," he said nervously.
"There's something that I need to-" he continued l, interrupted by me hugging him as tight as I could.
"Yeah?" I said, closing my eyes. I still loved him so much.
"Just never mind. It's not important." He said with another one of his nervous exhales.
"Let's go lay down. It's getting late." I said, leading him towards the bedroom. The oven clock glared a neon green.
"9:37 pm" it said.

Soon enough we were laying in bed, my arm under his neck and his over my stomach. I had 1,000 thoughts in my head and 999 were about him. What happened? Did I do something wrong? I must have. Maybe it would fix itself in the morning, at least that what I had to tell myself to sleep, which still took me five hours. I was so tired in the morning, but I wanted to see him before work so I had to drag myself up at 5:00 in the morning with three hours of sleep, he's worth all of it though. Hell, he deserves it. I've fucked up enough.

"Morning," I said, putting the kettle on.
"Morning." He said, looking up from his newspapers.
"How did you sleep?" He asked, with that little look on his face. I knew he never realized how cute it was.
I burst out in a low laugh.
"Sleep? You mean the three hours I got? Terrible. But what about you?" I said, softly smiling and then looking back at the stove. He got up and slowly walked across the kitchen to me . I felt his hands wrap around my stomach.
"Why aren't you sleeping, love?" He asked, burying his head in the back of my shirt.
"I don't know, it's just hard to." I said, looking back at him.
"Do you need me to pick you up so melatonin or something on the way home this evening?" He asked, he sound genuinely concerned, like he just really really cared. It made my heart melt.
"No, I'm okay. You need to leave for work soon though. Go sit down and I'll fix you some tea." I told him, grabbing his hand and rubbing my thumb against his palm.
"Okay, but you know if you need anything at all you can tell me. I love you." He said, walking back to the table and sitting down.
"Love you too." I said, pouring the hot water in a glass cup and dipping a tea bag in it. I added a spoonful of sugar just like he likes and gently set it down on the table.
"Here you go," I said, sitting down with him.
"Thank you." He said, slowing bringing the cup to his mouth, taking a small sip and setting it back down.

About 20 minutes had passed and it was time for him to go to work.
"Alright, I have to go." He said, getting up and walking towards the door. I helped him put his coat on and kissed him goodbye as he closed the door behind him. I listened to his footsteps all the way down the stairs and then ran to the window to watch him get a cab and set off. I already missed him so much. I grabbed one of his shirts and changed into it so I could have his smell on me. I hugged myself for a while because it felt like I was hugging him, which I wanted to do so bad. I missed him more every day. I wish I could just spend day in and day out with him, right next to him, hand in hand even. Every second for all eternity. I just wish that I could've known what was about to happen the next day.