Marriage and You

Part 1 : Just Married

He's married.

Well, for the next two months, at least. Spending the next eight weeks with this person they chose for him, and if that wasn't the most terrifying thing he'd willingly agreed to just to prove to himself he was capable enough to go through with it, well, realizing he wasn't the only one certainly didn't help.

He turned to his left and sighed. There sat the younger man, Kanawut, his lawfully wedded husband, quiet and stiff as a board. He hadn't said anything ever since they've boarded the car and Mew drove away, glancing at the younger man through his peripheral from time to time.

Mew wondered what he could say to start a conversation, ward off the awkward air between them when he spied the younger man's hands fidgeting on his lap. A quick look down made him smile despite himself.

The younger man was absently rubbing the ring on his finger, over and over, like he couldn't believe it was there.

Mew couldn't say he didn't share the same sentiment.

The ring he'd put around Kanawut's finger didn't feel any different from the one the younger man had put around his, and the vows they'd told each other didn't feel particularly heartfelt given that they were scripted. Still, Mew wondered if it should, somehow, given his 'husband's' reaction when he'd held the younger's hand and said the words aloud.

The way Kanawut's cheeks didn't hide his embarrassment while it was happening, and despite Mew's prior uncertainties about the whole thing, watching his husband blushing was - nice.

Things didn't fully register until they were both handed copies of their marriage certificates, and then a set of instructions about their upcoming honeymoon. Next to him, Kanawut was still as a rock, and a quick look at him told Mew the younger man was nervous.

He himself was, too, but he did his best not to show it. It was bad enough that they both seemed like they were just realizing the gravity of what they had done, but for everyone involved, he told himself he would do his best to carry this out until the very end.

He wished they could agree on that part at the very least. But to do that, they would have to learn how to talk to each other first.

He turned to give Kanawut the attention he required in return and opened his mouth to talk, but somehow, the younger man had beat him to it.

"So, am I supposed to call you Phi, or would you rather I address you with P'Husband for added effect?"

That awkward knot in his chest tightened just the slightest bit as he offered the younger man a smile.

"Whatever you're comfortable with, Nong. I don't mind, really." he quipped. 

Kanawut's answering smile was beautiful if a little uncertain, tight around the edges.

"Alright, P'Husband. Alright."

-

In all honesty, getting married wasn't part of his plans at first.

Mild was the one who mentioned that damn thing that one time they went out for dinner, saying something along the lines of 'I could never picture you doing something like this just for kicks' as if he was issuing a challenge. Mew knew better than to fall for it, but look where it got him.

For all its worth, Mew didn't know what made him decide to come in for screening either, just that one day, he woke up and felt like he wanted to try.

He thought it was foolish, but he went ahead anyway. And then realizing that obviously, he wasn't the only foolish one who ended up there didn't make it any less - embarrassing.

He wondered if it was alright to ask his lawfully wedded husband sitting quietly next to him in the car the same thing, just to know what he was thinking. After all, if he should do something to break this awkward silence, he should start from something, right? Maybe ask the other man what drove him to join this stupid program the same way Mew did, for one.

"If Phi wants to ask something, just go for it," Kanawut grunted as if he could read his mind, and Mew couldn't help but laugh nervously in answer. "I know you have questions for me so, you know, just ask me. It's okay."

He wondered if it's honesty or if it was simply the result of his husband's shyness, but he couldn't really tell. He seemed to be someone who would say what was on his mind, whether it was done consciously or not because he seemed to instantly regret opening his mouth in the first place, but Mew also noticed that he preferred silence more.

Well, it wasn't like it was a bad thing per se, but if they should make this marriage work, talking would be the first thing they should work on.

"I'm just curious," he said, glancing briefly at his left to where his husband sat. The younger man's eyes were trained on the road ahead, and Mew decided he should do the same.

"About me?" Kanawut asked in turn, as if he was certain this might be the case.

Mew found himself chuckling in counter. "Well, yes, of course. I think it's not that weird to be curious about the person I ended up marrying, right?"

Kanawut made an inquiring sound from the back of his throat and turned to him. Mew caught the way he was twisting the ring around his finger as if he didn't even realize he was doing it. Quickly, he returned his gaze to the road and waited.

"I'm not an interesting person, Phi," Kanawut was saying after an almost awkward pause, "Just a guy who'd just graduated college and wondering what to do with his life. I mean, there's nothing interesting about me, if that's what you're asking."

He opened his mouth to refute that, but thought better of it. Somehow, something told him that there was an even better way to phrase his disagreement without making it sound like it.

"Well, clearly, our mentors thought otherwise," he started, aware of the way Kanawut's attention had zeroed in on him when he started talking. "They knew you were an interesting person, even if you don't share the same sentiment. They wouldn't have let me pick you if that was the case, either."

He obviously got the younger man's full attention now. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly even though he was feeling anything but. He glanced briefly at Kanawut and saw his furrowed brows, the uncertainty at the curl of his pretty, pretty lips.

"Well, they did choose you for me, but I knew when I saw you the first time that you're the one I was going to marry," he said with a thoughtful smile. He bravely reached out to take Kanawut's hand, his ringed-finger, and went for a quick, reassuring squeeze.

"And I was right, see?" he added. "Wow. We're married, can you even believe it, Kanawut?"

There was a momentary silence in which he felt Kanawut returning the gesture in kind, squeezing his hand before turning his eyes on the window, a hint of smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"You should call me Gulf, Phi. Drop the full name, it's such a mouthful."

He grinned at that. "Mine is much worse, obviously. Call me Mew, okay?"

"P'Mew, alright," Kanawut - Gulf, countered, as if he was testing Mew's name, and judging with the smile that appeared on his face right after, Mew guessed his husband liked it.

"And just for the record, Phi," Gulf followed, as if he hadn't allowed himself a pause. "I knew I was gonna marry you too."