OUR LITTLE INFINITY

CHAPTER 14

i once again saw him from the glass partition. he looked the same like he was, just that now there was weakness seen on his face and he had lost a lot of weight.

'go and come fast.' mumma said as she waited outside.

i slowly opened the door and quietly went near him. the more i was going towards him, the more i realised that i will be going away from him.

'varun.....' i whispered. he did not respond. he was into deep sleep. thank god! goodbye would've been so difficult if i heard it from his mouth. a part of me wanted too hear his voice for the last time and a part of me didn't want to because then it would not let me go....

i noticed a pink teddy kept beside him on the table. it was the teddy which the shopkeeper gave us that day. there was a letter in the hands of that teddy. i went near it and looked at it. the letter had my name on it's cover. it was probably for me. i quietly took it and looked at varun. his face looked so pale, his body looked so weak, there were syringes and needles fixed in his veins.....it broke my heart. only if i could ever be so strong to not break my heart seeing him in this situation. i took out my letter, kept it beside his bed, and went near him. i could sense his breath. i planted a gentle kiss on his forehead and whispered into his ears 'goodbye varun....i love you.'

and i broke down. i walked out of the room since i didn't want him to wake up. i again looked at him from the glass partition, for the last time, as i wouldn't be able to see my most favorite human being ever again. i saw ansh and nidhi over there.

nidhi came running to me and hugged me tightly. she cried. 'aarushi, i will miss you!'

'mee too!!' i cried

'stay in touch okay?'

'yeah. take care of varun and yourself. i will be gone when he wakes up, but just tell him to read the letter i have kept beside his bed.' i said

'it hurts.....doesn't it?' she asked

i nodded and tears kept flowing.

'take care nidhi..' i turned to ansh and said 'take care buddy!'

'you too....' he said and gave me a side hug. i realised that i am not just bidding a goodbye to varun, but also to two best friends who made my life heaven.

i finally went to my mother and said 'let's leave.'

****************************************************

the train horned.

it's hitting me.

i am leaving. i pressed the teddy into my chest and tried to suppress my pain. seeing me stand at the door of the train my mom said 'come in! nobody's going to come to stop you.'

she was right. i sat on my seat. i reviewed past few months....most beautiful days of my life....we had so much fun together, we made so many memories and had such a great time.

' i will go to the washroom and come.' i rushed to the washroom and picked out the chit.

the chit said

'hi aaru,

you are leaving, it breaks my whole body to say this. i know, i am sorry for not being there for you, with you when you are leaving. even i am addicted to poems now. I wrote one for you, do refer to it in future.

MISS ME BUT LET ME GO!

When i come to the end of this road
And the sun has finally set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free!!

Miss me a little but not for long,
And not with your head bowed low,
Remember the feelings we once shared
Miss me but let me go!

For this journey we all must take
And each, must go alone
It's all a part of master's plan,
A step on a road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends you know,
And burry your sorrows in doing good deeds,
Miss me but let me go!

~varun.

It was nice na? It's my first poem, and i am priviledged to be able to dedicate it to you. You have suffered a lot aarushi, especially after you came to know about my illness. How lucky am i...that during the last days of my life, i have someone who cries for me when i am ill. Especially someone who has known me for just a few months. The reason i ignored you was that i didn't want you to suffer and get distracted from your path. If i told you that i am living the last 3 months of my life, wouldn't it affect you to your core? So i tried my best to make you hate me. But, you proved to be an absolute angel to me!! You kept on writting letters and poems even though you were behind the bars of studies and parental pressure. I truely respect that.

I wanted to tell you something...i have heard that dying people never lie. I wanted to say that, i don't just love your poems, i love you too!! Yes, i love you aarushi!!! At first i thought it's infatuation but then i realised it's love when i smiled all day long and re-read your chits every single day!! I don't know how you feel about me. I don't even want to know. But even if you don't i won't stop loving you till i die. You will be there in my last breath, your essence your love, your care, will be remembered when i take my last breath.
Please don't lose focus on your studies, aaru. If you really count me as your bestie beanie, i just want to see you as a doctor. Get admission in AIIMS, work hard, show to this world and your mother that aarushi is something!! I can't tell you how much would it mean to me seeing you shine, getting applaused and more importantly, well set and happy. Keep writing poems and chits to me whenever you feel like. I know i would be busy in my afterlife because the list of people i am going to haunt is growing day by day but i promise to come back to you always! Love you my girl! Stay happy and keep shining.

Yours and just yours
(Till last breath and afterlife)
Varun.'