Enemies

30. "I Miss You, Gill."

This one is a little on the sadder side, but that's okay.

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One Month Later.

Courtney's POV

My mother always said that I was destined to be alone.

I remember during one of our conversations she said that I would most likely die alone if I did not change my ways. Of course I called her a crazy bitch and went on with my life at the time, but in the more recent weeks I have been over analyzing every single thing someone has said to me.

How Cassie called me a bad friend and blocked me before moving away...

How Gia called me a coward and an insufferable bitch before she moved to Paris...

How Winter completely avoided me a month before going to a different high school than the rest of us. Only to later send me a letter in the mail suggesting that I should seek help, going as far as to provide phone numbers and websites for me to reach out to...

And now Gillian...

The common occurrence in all of these stories is that everyone leaves and cuts all communication with me.

Why is it that everyone that I have ever known cuts all communication with me after they move away? I mean, I do not think that I am that unpleasant to be around.

I do not have the most welcoming demeanor, I admit. This one setback has made it difficult for me to make new friends.

It's fine, I don't need them anyways! There is only one person that I need...one person that I want...one person that I crave...

And that one person is Gillian Anderson.

It has been thirty days, five hours, and two minutes since I last spoke to Gillian.

For thirty days straight I have gone over numerous other scenarios of things I could have done differently or ways I could have worded myself better.

I, Courtney Carmichael, am a massive asshole.

Not only did I break the promise that I made to her, but I broke her freaking heart!

She bought me fucking sorbet even after we had a nasty argument. What kind of person does that?!

The moment I saw the small bit of hope in her eyes fade away was the moment I wanted to take everything back, to hold her in my arms and tell her that it was all a sick prank. But I couldn't. It wasn't a prank, it was real life.

My computer mouse hovers over Gillian's contact photo.

If I had the chance to do everything over again things would be so much different.

Maybe this time around I would be hanging out with my group of friends, possibly while sitting in my girlfriend's lap.

Maybe I would just be hanging out with my girlfriend alone, the two of us being lazy together.

Honestly, I would take either of these over sitting alone in my dorm all day. My body clad in pajamas from the night before and my hair a mess from it not being brushed in days.

While there is the rare occasion where I will leave my door to go to my classes or pick up the groceries that I delivered, it still is not the same as going out with the intention to hang out with friends.

I am so deep in thought that I just barely register the amount of pressure that I am truly putting on the mousepad, only becoming aware of so when it suddenly makes a click sound.