chapter 3

109 6 0

by Seankemp25

by Seankemp25

Joes POV

So upstairs the parties in full swing, I've got a full house! Tyler, Korey, Oli, Marcus, Jim, Alfie, will, Zoë, Niomi, Tanya and myself. But I'm not enjoying the party... I mean, sure, I've had a few drinks, and I'm definitely feeling it, but, I'm sat on my bed staring at the wall thinking about him. How much fun he'd be having if he were here. Ergh. Who can't I stop thinking about him? Just hearing anyone mention his name makes my heart drop. I think its hitting me just how much I like having him in my life. He's most definitely more than just my best friend. And to be honest, he always tells me he loves me. But even though I know he only means it as a friend, I just can't stop thinking about it. Why would he even say it if he didn't mean it to be more than in a friends way. I guess in a way, I should just be honest with myself. Maybe I am gay. No. hell no. definitely not gay. Maybe bi? I don't know I'm so confused. And now Jim is hammering on the door in his drunken state (we all know he doesn't drink often, if at all) demanding that I open the door and let him in... apparently I'm being rude, inviting all my friends over for a party and then locking myself in my room to stare at a wall. I guess I can see where he's coming from.

Jim: JOEEEEE let me innnnnnnn, where are youuuuuuuuu why aren't you with usss it's your party

Jesus Jim I'm coming, I stammer as I whack a Sugg smile on my face and throw my door open, as Jim practically stumbles through it, obviously he was leaning on it... as I grab him to stop him from face planting the floor, my hand slightly grazes his crotch. Alarm bells ring in my brain as I quickly move it to somewhere else and pray he didn't notice

Careful now jimmybubba I say, we don't want to ruin that face before the big day now, do we... Tanya will kill me if I let that happen!

Jim: oh joey...im not even getting married for months yet hehe

Giggling away to himself, he pulls himself off of me and staggers back up to the party, I'll be up in a minute I call after him as I head to my bathroom to splash myself with some water to make myself look at little less flustered before I head back to join the rest of them. To be honest it sounds like they're having an awesome time up there without me... and let's face it, its only gunna get better once the suggman joins the party!

As I'm standing over the sink, cold tap running, I notice my razor on the side and instantly I get a shiver down my spine as I think back to my 6th form days, bad times. I trace a finger over the faint lines across my left wrist as I think back to the times I spent locked in the bathroom at lunchtimes, getting the pain out, I remember the euphoria I used to feel as the cold metal bit into my skin and the blood escaped in thin lines. I never used to cut deep at school, I saved the deep cuts for when i was at home, where I could easily hide myself in my room away from prying eyes. 5 years, that's how long it's been since I last felt that rush, and suddenly I want to feel it again.

Shutting the tap off I dry my face, avoiding looking at my razor and run back up the stairs to the party screeching heressss joeeyy as I go.....