the truth behind daddy issues

co-dependency

At a young age I discovered the powerful thing referred to as male validation, I guess I never received validation at a young age so this helped me fill that void. When I was in the fifth grade I discovered love or what i believed to be love, I think discovering this at such a young age did impact me greatly but I cannot change that so i've learned to not stress about it. With males always being in persistent in my life and not receiving much attention from my family, I began to depend on it.

In fifth grade I wore makeup for the first time, almost ten years later and I haven't learned to stop. I do love the artistic impact makeup has on young girls, the enhance your natural look instead of changing how you look side of it but as you age that changes. Maybe insecurities took the wheel and began driving off the cliff or maybe society cut the breaks but either way i crashed head first into comparison to other females. I do not wish to be called pretty any longer, why do people always focus on the outside as if it's the thing that last, a hard pill to swallow is that one day we're all going to become old, we're all going to develop wrinkles and grey hair but what we will have it the internal beauty which never fades. I believe you should be a good person to everybody even those who aren't to you and many people may disagree with this statement because they want revenge but why cause someone a pain they'll remember a lifetime for a vengeance you won't remember succeeding at in a year. I like that I can see the world in these ways because many cannot due to past scars, I wish that hurt people didn't hurt people because of what has been done to them.

I've always received some attention from males my entire life but most of the time it was lust rooted. When i was in sixth grade a boy was at my house, he stuck his hands in my pants without asking me if I was even so far as comfortable, he didn't even ask to give me the chance to say no. In my younger years, I was very insecure and wanted to be like able so in the moment I froze up. I didn't want him to get mad and become physical, tell people we did more than actually happened, there's more reasons but mainly fear had a chokehold on me. I was in one of those moments that are so bizarre you question if they're even real, this occured several more times.

From a young age I was taught "men only want you for sex", I was told this to prevent me from engaging in sexual acts with men but I think it may have done the complete opposite. Being told men only want you for sex caused me to over sexualize myself half my life, "if men only want that, then they'll only want me if I give them that" i told myself. Thankfully i unmasked the truth on that , maybe men do only want you for sex but your soulmate won't , will be there for you unconditionally and if they aren't they aren't meant for you. You should never make yourself feel uncomfortable to feel liked by or to please someone, your boundaries are yours and they do matter. When you genuinely love someone you care about what they did, how their life is going, how their mind works, what makes them happy, sad, and angry. When someone loves you they will be focused on what's inside your mind, not your pants.

Society has normalized men prioritizing sex but not women prioritizing giving it to them because they yearn for them so desperately. In our society hookup culture is normalized for men, not women, so what are we supposed to do when we knock at their doors and they slam it in our face and lock it. Swearing they will open it when we give them what they want but it seems as if you give them what they want and they open the door, unveiling crusted walls, paint that is peeling, floors unswept and everything disheveled but the house looks nice on the outside right? Would you buy a house, the same price as one with a clean, furnished and inviting inside and outside or would you buy one with a beautiful outside appearance but with an inside that's ugly and disgusting. So why would you choose a man whom makes you feel as if , they don't want you unless they have your body when you could have a man whom requires the same amount of effort but not the things you aren't quite comfortable with sharing yet. Never force yourself to engage in sexual acts just because you feel as if you have to for them to open their door because when you walk in your expectations will not be met and you will earn entering the house but at the cost of loosing your dignity.

I don't slut shame girls or even care about their sexual acts because in today's society relationships are romanticized, for who are you if not in love, we're taught it's what God made us to do. Fall in love, get married and have a kid but how are women supposed to do this while remaining pure if men only accept women who give them their purity. I'm fully convinced society and it's standards are completely against women. People think women have equal rights because we can vote and work but what they don't see is it working twice as hard as the men to get half the appreciation. Society has set standards for women at a heigh unreachable because they wish to see us fall but if we could bring those standards to a reachable height we would reach them as society remains on land. People are afraid to speak out against things that are normalized in fear of being judged because they are different but humans weren't meant to agree on everything and some people don't want women to succeed. We weren't made with the same minds, same chemical balances nor the same dna and this was for a reason, disagreement helps us learn so the next time your afraid to speak on a topic you believe is wrong know that that is how humans evolve, be the first to speak or they will silence you.