The Pain of Existing(Completed✔️)

Ch 1

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This book does have mature themes that are only appropriate for adults such as violence, sexual assault, sexual intercourse and more! If that's something you aren't comfortable with reading then I would advise you not to read this book! Your mental health is my first priority!
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Schools are supposed to protect you and teach you the meaning of life. We are supposed to learn how to live in the society we are born into. But this school was so neglectful that they didn't realize that crimes were happening under their noses. We are forced to go to school and learn about things that don't even matter in real life. I can tell you now that what I learned in school did not prepare me for the real world. There should have been some guidebook on life because I am out of my league. But we aren't talking about my life now. We are going to rewind a little of my life then.

I was excited for that school year because I would attend a school where no one knew me. It was a fresh start, and I was happy because I was bullied at my old school. I wanted to reinvent myself and step outside my comfort zone. Lord knows that I needed a change for the better. I didn't take showers unless forced to because before my mom died, she would wash me up, and I didn't want to be clean without her. But this year was different. I went to counseling, and I've dealt with my mother's death. I just wanted to keep the past in the past. Eighth grade is the year that you create memories and make mistakes before high school. Well, that's what I thought. I thought the eighth grade was the year that you felt like an actual teenager. We are all around thirteen and fourteen; we are teenagers now. I thought being a teenager would be cool, but I was wrong. After that year, I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

It was my first day of school; however, school had officially started the week before. So, I was just enrolled late because we were kicked out of our old school since we no longer lived in the district. I was sad to leave because I had made good friends at my old school. I had a specific friend. She was my best friend, and we did everything together. But once she found out I was moving to a different school and house, it drew our friendship apart. I honestly didn't want to leave my old school, despite the bullying. I had a fun time; I had a lot of friends. There were a lot of memories that I didn't want to let go of.

I was nervous to start at a different school because of the bullying at my old school. So, I decided to dress better and change my hair. Since I was fourteen, I wanted to dress like a young adult, not a child. I would say I was an attractive girl. I developed at a young age, so I had curves that attracted attention. My family has a history of women developing certain assets at a young age. The downside of having curves is that you don't have good relationships with females. Most girls envy other girls with curvier bodies. I'm not saying I was shaped like Kim Kardashian; I am saying I had a nice body for my age. It was pretty funny because I was super friendly to everyone, and people were rude to me for no reason. Many girls my age weren't virgins, but I was because my family and I were Christians who believed that sex should wait until marriage. But things didn't turn out as planned, and to this day, I don't know why my life turned so horrible so fast.

When my parents dropped me off at my school, I was terrified because I didn't know what to expect. I walked to my first class, and I had to introduce myself. I am timid, so doing that terrified me, but I had no choice. Once I stood up to introduce myself, I heard snickering. All I could think was not this again. I just wanted to get through the day without being laughed at. The day went by fast. Each class was the same. It's like they took notes out of the same handbook. None of the teachers did their own thing; it was copy and paste, which is something students do not want to sit through. I know that I didn't want to.

After they made us introduce ourselves, they went over the syllabus. A lot of them said that they were only going over the syllabus because they had to. This makes sense because, most of the time, we don't even do what's on the syllabus. The class was going okay; we were just kind of sitting there listening to the teacher go on and on about the requirements. I tried to focus on what the teacher was saying, but I can't lie and say I wasn't bored out of my mind because I was. We were getting towards the end of the period, and we were allowed free time since he bored us with the syllabus.

I decided to just get on my phone and play games since there wasn't anything to do. I didn't talk to anyone because I was scared of being ignored. I usually make friends easily, but these girls at this school seem stuck up, and I don't get along with girls like that. I am more of a down-to-earth girl. These girls here are trying to grow. They're wearing skimpy clothes and a full face of makeup. My dad barely lets me wear lip gloss because he thinks I'm trying to act grown-up, which I am not. So the odds of my dad letting me hang out with girls who do those types of things are slim to none. I am not mad about it either, because there's a saying that if you hang around people enough, you become them, and I'm not trying to do that. I get up to go to the bathroom, and when I am about to walk out of the classroom, I am stopped by a voice. "Jasmine," I heard someone say. I turn around, and my teacher is standing up with his hand on his hip, looking at me.

"Where do you think you are going?" he asked, looking at me. "To the bathroom," I replied. "Did you ask for permission to go to the bathroom?" he asked, raising his right eyebrow. "No," I replied. "Well, then you can't go," he said. "Class, you know the rules. If you have to use the bathroom, come up to me and ask me. Then I will give you the bathroom pass," he yelled. Which made everyone turn and look at me. I was so embarrassed at that point that I would rather just pee on myself. "Now I know you are new to this school so I will give you a pass today," he said. He grabbed the bathroom pass from his desk and held it out for me. I was hesitant to take it because I was embarrassed, but I ended up walking to his desk anyway. When I got to his desk, I reached out to grab the pass, but he pulled away.

"Next time, just ask me to use the restroom, and I will let you go," he whispered in my ear. Shivers went down my spine; it felt weird, and I didn't like it. I tried to shake off the feeling, but I couldn't. I have a bad feeling about this teacher. He winked at me and then gave me the bathroom pass. I grabbed it swiftly and then practically ran out of the classroom. I didn't want to assume that my teacher was hitting on me, but if the shoe fit, I started walking to the bathroom; I didn't know where it was. Maybe I should've asked for some type of direction. I just kept walking until I found them. After a few minutes, I did find the bathroom. I walked into the bathroom and did my business, then walked out. I walked back to the classroom and knocked on the door. When the door opened, it was my teacher. I tried to walk into the classroom, but he was blocking the way. "Can I go in?" I asked, looking at him. "No, I need to talk to you about your behavior," he said, looking me up and down.