Gay(?)mers

Chapter 8

Kim Dokja Pov:

The day after our meeting, Yoo Joonghyuk's live stream had felt.. different.

He spat less insults than usual while he played, and he had a soft, almost unnoticeable smile the whole time. It felt... nice, to watch, really.

When someone- notably Uriel- finally asked him how the 'date" had been, his expression had brightened even more.

"He's...  perfect ," Joongyuk admitted, "really nice, open- fucking gorgeous, too..."

I felt my face heat up in surprise,

"and it was genuinely fun, hanging out with him. I was a little worried that he'd get scared or back away when he saw how intimidating I am, but he really didn't seem to mind .."

The chat floods with an array of "aww"s  and I suddenly feel a little guilty for how I'd been silently grinning at the way he'd squirmed during the movie. I'd assumed he was just horny, but-  damn.

He's a total softie~

I make a silent vow to spoil him next time we meet. No paying for our coffees now, mister.

The fluffy, seemingly lovestruck look remains for the rest of the stream, and I can't help but find it gradually rubbing off on me. His smile is contagious.

Once it eventually ends, and after a few minutes of rehearsing my thoughts, I send him a little text with a selfie of me and the stuffed animal(?) he'd bought after the movie.

'Absolutely loved spending time with you  yesterday,  Joonghyuk-ah! Was fun meeting you. I still can't believe that ur a hundred times more handsome irl. I ended up naming the little guy Biyoo, btw ^-^

[Attached Image]

I hope we can meet up again soon~ '

It wasn't really an apology, since he wasn't aware of my crime, but a confirmation of sorts. My way of sneakily saying that "no, you are not scary whatsoever,' and 'yes, I will continue to be with you."

I would literally sell my soul if it meant this man would so much as consider dating me. I pause, registering my thoughts. Ah. Maybe even I was feeling a little fluffy now.

I felt.. a little relieved, almost. As though a fear even I wasn't aware of had vanished, no-longer ticking in the back of my mind. Knowing that he wasn't just interested in my looks made it feel less like a game, and more like an option. Like falling in love, this time, won't lead to ruin. Almost like it was... safe.

I shiver, now watching as an icon announces that he's online. It claims my message to have been read, and soon after, he begins typing.

It stops and starts a few times, before I eventually get a short and polite "Of Course. Glad you enjoyed it."

Followed a few seconds later by another message,

"you look pretty."

I shiver, feeling  a little proud of his new confidence. "Aww, thank youu <3 "

"When do you wanna hang out again?"

"Whenever your available. In a week or two?"

"Sure."

I grin, "It's a date~"

. . . . .

[ Yoo Joonghyuk Pov]

"It was corrosion.

My heart, taut and exposed, began to crumble. A rare tear blurred the edges of my vision, and a twinge of regret stained my sorrow like watercolour to a page ; this was it.

At the beginning of my journey, I had decided one thing, and one thing only - that I would experience everything. Love, loss, responsibility and indifference- slowly, I would learn what it truly meant to be human. Surely. Surely, the answer would be there, buried somewhere amongst those emotions: and now, as I watched the back of my life, my doctrine, slowly turn and become distant, I finally feel it.

Heartbreak.

It's uglier than I'd expected; tearing at whatever it could reach, shredding my very bones, crushing my throat and lungs - but it makes me feel so alive.

So completely and utterly human.

A breathless laugh; and I choke on my tears. Now... why now of all times?

"Kim Dokja, my love ..." I sob, "..don't go.

Please .  "

I close the page a second later, refusing to say a word. Unable to find anything.

What I had, regrettably, just read was a fan fiction. One between me and Kim Dokja, and a sad one nevertheless. It put an odd taste in my mouth, really- but before I had the chance to put the emotion into words, my phone went off with the familiar *ding* of a notification.

Stil feeling a little embarrassed, I hesitantly open the message.

'Absolutely loved spending time with you  yesterday,  Joonghyuk-ah! Was fun meeting you. I still can't believe that ur a hundred times more handsome irl. I ended up naming the little guy Biyoo, btw ^-^

[Attached Image]

I hope we can meet up again soon~ '

The words seem to echo through my brain, like a broken record. Joongyuk-ah! ..  handsome ..  meet up again soon ... and oh , that image wasn't good for my heart.

A perfect smile, paired with a cute little blush- along with a loose white tanktop, teasingly revealing the younger(?) man's smooth, pale chest- and a tight black pair of booty shorts.

The following conversation passed almost mindlessly, and as though possessed, I end up saving the image and setting it as my wallpaper. I put my phone down a second later, and slam my head into the desk, while the fanfic remained minimized on my computer.

Fuck. He's going to be the end of me, isn't he?