I Wanna Be Loved

Eric

After my encounter with the man in the beige suit, I couldn't hold my excitement.

I rush to the lab to get the roll of film developed, shooting some random stuff along the trip. But those photos didn't matter, what I really wanted was to look at his picture. Just the thought of it sent a rush of joy and accomplishment washed over me.

It would take a few days for the lab to send me the photos back, which put me in a state of anxiety, nothing I couldn't handle before, photos always took their time to be seen in this type of photography but now, with this guy coming out of nowhere, asking me to send him his own photo.

God.

Nobody had done that before, not anyone I shoot on the streets at least.
He looked like a serious guy, and he even was a director of some publishing company. It got me all giddy inside. I know I may be daydreaming but what if, and only what if this was my chance? To get a job with my art.

I couldn't contain myself, so when I arrived at the lab I told Derek to please, send it to me as soon as possible.

Derek was the store owner, there weren't many labs around my area of London. But he was truly a great guy with a very small store tucked away in a corner of Roman Rd and Ilford Ln. He had been working for over 10 years developing film and he had the best quality scans, fair prices too. Also a great collection of films I could purchase, it was tempting to buy a Kodak Gold 200 now, I pictured in my head how beautiful his green eyes marked with those black lines and his brown hair shining in the sun would look with this film. It made my heart quicken and my mind race.

Honestly, I was very anxious to see the pictures, the anxiety was always there while waiting for what the pictures turned out to be, this definitely was a wholly different ride.

Damn.

Should I text him? I still don't have the photo, so I don't know what I would say to him without sounding like some schoolgirl fan girl. 

This was so nerve-racking that I had forgotten to eat all day, when I arrived home, past 8 pm, I could see my body was very heavy and I was lightheaded.

I quickly put together a ham and cheese sandwich with some tea. Wondering still if I should send him a text anyways. I grabbed my cell phone from my pants and the card from my front shirt pocket.

I thought I at least should let him know the film was in process and he didn't have to wait for much longer, and also introduce myself. That was the main reason. To let him know my name.

God. I stared at the card, reading his name again and again.

Adam Lambert.

Even his name sounded sexy.

Fuck. You just met the guy, chill out dude. I told myself.

From my past experiences with love, I was the one always fallings hard for the other and the feeling was almost never mutual. It had left a heavy weight in my heart. Just one time, it had been so intense the feeling we both had, that the first day we meet, we also became boyfriends. But that didn't last long enough, we had our arguments and little fights and just one day they had enough of me, it was mutual in the end too. We stayed as friends for a few months until he would get high and try to fuck me right after he had told me he was going out with someone new.

That just made me think, maybe he had had another person too when he was with me, and the thought woke me up right away. After that, we just never spoke again. It had left me with a sour taste for relationships. Still, I was always quick to fall in love but that just bought me more sorrow in the end.