Notes of a Crazed Researcher

As it fades away

I still remember vividly. When it all went wrong. No, perhaps even before that. But this was the earliest memory I remember. The beginning of this tiresome journey.

On that day. A day long before everything began to spiral out of my control.

It was such a peaceful and normal day for us.

We were laying on the grass.

Face to face, she spoke to me.

I have something I should confess. I actually have a much weaker heart than everyone thinks.

I always say things like 'count on me' and 'just follow me' in front of everyone...

But I'm never too sure about the things I do.

She stared at me, with red piercing eyes that seemed to stare straight into my soul.

If anyone were harmed or put in trouble because of what I do...

I would definitely be shaken and end up hating myself. I know that.

That's why I need to ask you for a favor.

No matter what I may become, please finish what I started.

We humans have a weak heart. One crack and it will easily crumble. I am no exception to this, but you...

You'll endure through it.

Her smiling face as she spoke to me, her wish for me to continue her will, no matter what may come of her. A sense of foreboding.

Now I don't know what to do anymore, except to continue on.

The experiments, we had to find a way to create Cognito. A fuel to make everything possible. We had to find a way to get it out. The manifestation of the soul. A way to turn it into a physical thing. A way to make everybody capable of manifesting their own. A way for people to be true to themselves. To stand up for themselves.

We began the experiments on a limited group initially. Mainly amongst each other and those from the outskirts. Even Enoch joined in.

The brightest kid who always believed that eventually everything would change for the better.

However... there was an accident. Enoch... he passed away.

Lisa put the blame on Carmen and honestly... I wouldn't have blamed the kid, but Carmen took it too personally. Her demeanor changed. She... changed. Became crazed, psychotic. It was like she had said. She knew herself best.

She kept cycling through laughing and crying. At times, it was me, or Benjamin, Giovanni, Kali, Elijah, Michelle, Gabriel, Daniel, many others, those whose names I have long forgotten. We took turns looking after her. We desperately prayed she would turn back to normal. That as some point of time the joyous laughter would return.

I knew she was harming herself. If only I hadn't given her the industrial knife. If only I had noticed she was hiding her wrists. If only...

There was only one person with the perfect compatibility for Cognito creation from all our failed tests. Extracting more might have been a risk to her. Perhaps the Cognito creation and extraction itself also played a part in her mental psyche's current state and degradation.

However, she had to live no matter what. We had no other alternatives to Cognito production, but with her current mental state, we couldn't possibly extract more. If only we could...

I knocked on the door. It had been far too long.

There was no response.