Long-lasting Obsession

Preface

I’m fine, I’m fine.

These words are all I have to hide behind.

***

I take a deep breath and look at myself in the mirror. My once thick hair hangs limply off my head, I have circles under my eyes, and I know that I won’t be able to pretend forever.

It’s obvious that something’s wrong with me.

I put my hands on the counter, pulling myself closer to my reflection.

“I’m fine,” I tell my reflection. “I’m fine.”

I turn my head, keeping my eyes on the mirror to expect the damage. I pull up the top layer of my hair to reveal what’s underneath.

Almost all of the hair on the right side of my head is gone. The spot is about two and a half inches long and an inch and a half wide; it’s an oval shaped bald spot. Peach fuzz was only beginning to grow back in.

I had done this to myself. I don’t know how I started and I don’t know how I’ll stop.

I let my concealing flap of hair fall back over the spot and leave my bathroom.

I can hear my mom crying in her room.

My brother’s words echo in my head, “You’re the reason she cries.”

I could never forget that I was the reason she cried. I was constantly reminded.

That’s why I have to tell myself that everything is A-ok.

It is easier to run from the truth than face it.