she's quiet, shy and a good girl. he's much older, manipulative, ethereal and fills the void of her absent father. what Happens when he turns out to be her professor?
☆ not romanticising this relationship but actually showing how easily young girls...
Every weekend, I'd hit the gym for the whole day with my friend caesar. The gym was the only place where I felt safe. I could spend hours at the gym just to forget about my problems but since I met athena, I didn't go as regularly as I was before.
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Ceasar has been my bro since day one. We met in college, sophomore year and we'd been through everything together. When I moved to Italy, he came with me and helped me a lot as he had a house there. I'll forever be grateful for ceasar as I believe I would never be able to make it without him.
"Yo look who finally decided to show up today" ceasar teased as I picked up the dumbells at the gym.
"Happy to see you too bro"
"What's sup bro? Got a lil demoiselle?"
No matter how much I appreciated him, I never really liked his comments about my love life. He would always talk about girls and how many bitches he fucked in a week and if I did the same. He was funny but sometimes he could be a total fucking asshole. Especially with athena around, those things didn't matter to me anymore. For once, I only wanted one person.
"Shut up bro"
"Ahhh c'mon man when are we going slut hunting? Spending the whole weekend clubbing, smoking weed and getting fucked up. Cmon I know you miss it too mate" He tapped my shoulder. I started getting pretty pissed off but still kept my cool
"Nah, work is killing me, I think that life isn't for me anymore"
He raised his eyebrows and added "Bro's almost thirty without a bitch and now thinks he's Einstein or something " He laughed. My blood boiled. I don't know what the fuck was up with him that day but I couldn't give two fucks if he was my friend or not at that moment. My jaw tightened and I threw down the dumbells violently. He looked at me in shock
"Not every fucking thing is about girls ceasar. I'll do whatever the fuck I want even if I was forty. You don't tell me what to fucking do bro"
"Yo chill bruh" we all sat there in silence, i could tell ceasar felt my anger by the astonished and quiet look on his face. The thing is, his words made me feel bad about myself, and made me question my choices.
Fuck him, I hated him. I went home that night and drunk of half a bottle of whiskey. What the fuck was I doing? I was almost 30 fucking a 17 year old? Was I ruining her?
I sat down in my bathtub thinking about how fucked up this situation was. I felt so guilty that her mother trusted me and little did she know... ugh I wish things would be different and that I could've met her mom showing up as her actual fucking boyfriend
I couldn't help but punch my wall, liberating my frustration. I looked down at my bruised bloody hands and thought to myself, why does everything has to be so hard for me? Why can't I genuinely be happy? Is that how my life will always be? Fuck this
When I was 16, I met this girl at summer camp. Her name was Leïla and she was 17, Leïla was my first everything, she had light platinum hair and the greenest Hazel ish eyes. Her smile was unforgettable. I had sex with tons of girls before but just meaningless sex, It was just for my pleasure but with her... God it was nothing like that. She made it feel like it wasn't real, she taught me everything and I felt like our souls were tied. When summer camp ended it was indeed depressing but we kept in touch. We went to many dates and she was an absolute ray of sunshine. But of course it was too good to be true, since I can never be happy in my life. My source of happiness disappeared when she died from cancer 1 year later.
I've never experienced such a shock in my whole entire existence. A part of me was mad at her that she decided to hide this from me... maybe if she didn't I'd be more prepared. After Leïla's death I was never the same. I never told anyone but I think everyone saw how much it affected me. I started going out every night, doing drugs and drinking to numb this pain that no one felt but me. That's when I started getting huge family problems because of how much I pushed everyone that I loved away and learnt to stay alone. I felt like I didn't deserve to love anyone and that huge guilt that still is with me to this day. Maybe if knew about it, she'd be still alive? Maybe she would've felt less alone.
I felt bad for lying to athena about this but I wasn't ready to talk about it with her, I believe everyone can have their little secret garden.
The way I felt when I kissed Leïla for the first time, like fire within my bones, like my soul has returned to the water, like every part of me that came from a dead star was alive again.
I think I saw a little bit of her in athena. That's probably why I felt so connected and attached to her... I didn't wanna lose her again. Its like she reincarnated, I probably sounded crazy and maybe the hundreds of whiskey shots I took was talking instead of me but they were weirdly similar in many ways and also how she made me feel. I knew athena was a good, loyal girl and not just some teen who was just a slut in heat. she had goals, values and principles just like leïla...
Now that I'm older, i healed and moved on- I mean I hope- but i don't think of her that much like I used too especially now that athena's in my life. But deep inside my brain there's a door with a chain filled with her, there's a reason why I keep it locked because I wanna move from this. It destroyed my teenage years and I'm an adult now. When I tend to think of her, i always have to swallow a bunch of pills and get myself so drunk so that I could forget about it.
I wish I could forget about it, but deep down I knew I never could. Even with the help of athena, A part of me died when she left this world.
