she's quiet, shy and a good girl. he's much older, manipulative, ethereal and fills the void of her absent father. what Happens when he turns out to be her professor?
☆ not romanticising this relationship but actually showing how easily young girls...
☆disclaimer☆: Hey loves</3 this chapter is inspired by my own experience and will be talking about a pretty triggering topic which is s3lf h4rm. So if you are sensitive to this topic or this might trigger you, you may skip it darling. I love you and just know that if you are going through hard times it's almost the end babe I hope u guys take take of yourself and I love u.^^
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My heart was broken, like little pieces of glass. My grades starting decreasing as I skipped more days of school. How could i be so blind? I thought to myself while sitting in the warm bath I was deeply sinking in since one hour. I kept replaying intimate moments we had together whether they were sexual or not. I felt disgusting. I threw away my self respect, my dignity, my priorities, my principles and my virginity to this disgusting fucking pervert. Fuck, why me? Why was I always the one who had to fucking suffer? Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I have just one good thing to myself? I didn't want to keep living anymore if all my life this was how I'd felt half of the time.
That same old feeling came back again. Those dark thoughts that I worked so hard to get rid off but immediately disappeared when Ash came. And now he's gone but those thoughts are back. I relapsed. I started self harming again.
"Fuck-" as the blade of my razor pierced through my tender skin revealing my flesh. It stinged so hard and I knew that the amount of blood that would come out of my wrists would be a lot. As I looked down, my bath water was completely bloody almost like an orangy- red.
I couldn't help but broke down. Dissapointement was all I felt as I threw away all those years where I was clean, throwing all of it just for a fucking man. I was exhausted, mentally and physically drained. Everything came together, me moving out, my new life, my old life, my father, my mother, my future, my education and of course the main cause was Ash. Angry wasn't even enough to describe how I felt. No matter what he could do to excuse himself i was convinced that I would've never, ever forgive him.
I felt dirty, the amount of showers I took weren't enough to get rid of that disgusting fucking feeling I felt all over my poor body. I got out of my bath and cleaned myself, rubbing my towel too hard on my thighs forgetting my freshly carved scars and hissed from the stinging pain it provided.
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I looked up and saw a completely different person in the mirror. My heart dropped as I had gotten so skinny, pale, my eye bags were terrible, my hair was tangled and I looked like a goddamn corpse. In what fucking state was I putting myself because of a man? How did I let myself go so much just because of him. Sadness wasn't I felt anymore, but rage. Now it was confirmed that I was definitely going to that party on Saturday and that i would enjoy myself as I should.
