I'm Your Wreck

12- You Talk, I'll Blend

"Can I come over tonight?"

I knew the question was coming the second I saw Sam's name on my caller ID. It was the only reason she called.

Usually, I would agree and then hurry home to take a shower and make my bed. That day though, I was tired and behind schedule on homework and I just really didn't want to worry about the added stress of having somebody else in my room.

"Tonight isn't good for me, I have a quiz to study for and a paper to write," I explained to her as I walked into the student union for lunch. It was the busiest time, everybody grabbing food between classes at one of the kiosks in the cafeteria. Each kiosk had a ridiculously long line of students glued to their phones and I was trying to figure out which one would be the best bet at grabbing food quickly and getting out as fast as possible.

"I'll be quick," Sam offered like it was an easy solution to the presented problem.

"How about this weekend?" I suggested instead, scanning passed the lines for the pasta bar and then Panda Express. Next to that, there was a kiosk for subs and then there was Smooth Talkin', where I caught a glimpse of Banks behind the counter.

Sam let out a long, displeased sigh in my ear. "I've had a really long day today and I just need something to take the edge off."

I didn't like being 'something to take the edge off'. I was a person who wanted to be with somebody who could recognize me as a person and not just a thing to use when you have a bad day. But if I said any of this out loud, she'd probably say that I was being dramatic, that women deal with objectification every day.

Instead of starting a conversation that I didn't care enough to have, I just said, "I'm sorry you're not having a good day. I really can't meet up tonight though."

By the grumbling sound she made, I could tell she wasn't used to being rejected. Sam was a beautiful woman who knew how to use that beauty like a weapon. "I never say no to you when you ask me to come over."

Instead of waiting in any of the lines for food, I decided to just grab a snack from the shelves of chips at the left of the cafeteria. I wasn't that hungry anyway and I would much rather get out of this crowded mess than sit here for twenty minutes while another stressed out college kid made me a sandwich.

"I would never want you to agree to come over just because you felt obligated to," I responded honestly. I'd been getting bored of our arrangement for a while now and this conversation was making me even more sure that I should end it. However, I was tired and cranky so if I tried to do it now, it wouldn't go well. Feelings would get hurt, unnecessary arguments would be had. All I wanted to do was get off the phone and get out of the crowd, sit in silence for just five seconds and eat my chips until the rest of my day consumed me.

"I can't believe you're saying no to me right now," she muttered with plain irritation in her voice. A headache was starting to throb in my temple but instead of making my way to the cash registers to pay for my chips, I found myself in line for a smoothie.

Being friends with benefits should not come with this kind of headache.

But we weren't even friends with benefits, were we? We definitely weren't friends. We only hung out sometimes because our friends were dating so we ran in similar circles. But apart from that? She was always out of my bed before the bed frame stopped creaking, never interested in spending more than a second of her time with me if we weren't naked.

Which was fine, I guess. It wasn't ideal but it was better than nothing. Which, when putting it like that, sounded so pathetic. I had been lonely before Sam and for a while, it felt like she helped with that but these days, it felt like she was only making it worse. Sleeping with Sam felt like a good idea when I was horny, but the second after it was over, I wished I never let her in my bed.