Behind the hideous heart

Chapter 10

One who speaks desperate lies, doesn't deserve to have a tongue to speak with.

~~~~~~~~~Kelly's POV~~~~~~~~~

That piece of shit, Bastard. How could he? Tears were sliding down on my face. He has a family, a mother and father but he's taking it for granted. I was desperatly trying to control my anger and pain while i was in the bathroom.

When we got out, Meg invited him 'again' to her birthday. Huh this chick was getting on my nerves. I thanked him though, because I totally have forgotten about her birthday and buying her a present will be my priority tomorrow.

I am currently at the gym. Waiting until Turner comes since i'm early. My hands are hurting but I don't stop hitting the punching bag. I mean he had everything but isn't grateful while i'm here wallowing in misery. "Stop" I turned aound and saw Turner, I ignored him and continued " I said stop" he said louder this time "why? am I doing somethig wrong? " "No" "so?" "No actually your doing everything wrong" "What? What are you talking about?" I replied angrier by every second "i'm not training you to hurt yourself" "oh piss off, I don't need your lecturing" " watch your language " he yelled this time. Ok I might never say this out loud but Turner scares the crap out of me sometimes. "Sorry 'dad' " " give me the gloves" "what? no" " do it, NOW" " fine, u can have it" I said and threw it at him. Eveything that happened today came back to me in full force when I realised I couldn't use the only solution to prevent the feelings to come over the surface. But I couldn't cry, not infront of someone. That would mean i'm weak and i'm not weak. So I bit my tongue and held back the tears that were tying to escape. "Why do you do that?" he asked out of nowhere "Do what?" "hide your emotions?" " Because there are better off hidden" " see that's where your wrong, look Kelly i'm not gonna lie to you. You are one strong woman" he stopped fo a while as if he was thinking the words before saying them "but your also one empty bottle, you think that showing emotions is a weakness, but did you know that emotions and feelings are what makes us human. you need to open up..." I stopped him right there " Stop, stop right there" I stayed quiet for a while then started talking again "you think I don't know that, i'm not blind to how the world functions, I know that perfectly, but I don't want them to think i'm human, I want them to picture me as a monster, I want them to fear me, I want... I want..." then I started crying. "Hey, hey, it's ok" he came and hugged me " Look Kelly I don't know how and why you turned out this way but you see I use to be just like you, I use to hide my emotions and pretend I was ok while I was just suffering even more in the inside, but did you know what saved me? " I shock my head "Love, I fell in love, while what destroyed me was it himself, because the key to healing" he paused and looked down at me "the key to healing is moving on, it's forgiving and forgetting" I took a few steps back and answered while shoking my head "it's not that simple ok , my life is one messed up hell, I can't just forget and move on, it's not that easy" he nodded "I understand but can you atleast try Kelly?" he said while whipping my tears I smiled and nodded " but on one condition" " what is it?" "I get to meet this so called woman, and i'we try" he smiled "well then let's get back to work" I nodded "ok now, I need you to listen carefully to why I stopped you" "ok" " look Kelly you put to much force in your punches, and if you keep that up then you won't be able to control your strenght because sometimes it's not about being weak that we need  to fear but no being able to be in control. If you don't have control then your doomed. Think of it as driving a car without a weal, ok?" "ok" "ok. Now  where gonna work on your self defence ok?" "ok" "let's just say someone grabbed you from the back" he said while grabbing me from the back and holding my hands firmly "how would you get out of my grip?" I didn't need him to tell me. I have done this a million times. I bent my head down and when i came back I hit his face with my head in full force then stepped on his toe to distract him. I hit his side then he let go that way I turned around punched him on the face, picked my leg up hit his manhood and punched his chin so that he would fall backwords. He was growling in pain. "So? How did I do?" he stood up carefully " I think you know the answer perfectly" then we went back to work and after that I went home, took a long shower and went to bed thinking about what Turner said and promised mysef to try and live. Live for myself, for Boris, Turner, and everyone that cares about me and most importantly live for them. Live for my family.