TO FAIL SO FLAWLESSLY

splinters

My mind splinters
like the crack of chopping frozen wood
below -10 degrees. Taking a break
is necessary, and I know it.
I know it is a good thing.

Sometimes, I'm still in the hollowed out
trenches, not quite integrated
into "normal" since the end of my war.
The enemy was all around
but in the end, it was I who remained.

I became my last and great enemy.

It's not over until you say it is.
Fear is my friend.
The pressure in my head
used to build with no release,
but now that I'm catching on,
I'm learning.

I'm learning how to let go,
but never truly forget,
but not letting the past taint
my vision like a head wound,
with blood seeping over my face,
and onto the ground.
I do not have to stay here,
nor do I have to force myself for
anyone to be something that I am not.
Finding out that I can still be scared,
and anxious, and all alone,
and move.

I am growing stronger every day,
I am rebirthing, and I suppose
that to some, this
makes them uncomfortable.

But I had to lay low down
into the ground, buried under
the floorboards to survive.
The creak of the wood above head,
always holding breath,
but never able let it all out at once.
A stuck sort of feeling. It
was the only option I had.

But they won't know.
Sounds villainous, doesn't it?