The Ghost Of You

Miss You

Madden

Carter almost ruined me ending my dry spell, but I guess it was a good thing we didn't mess around in one of those rooms. I would have died if we accidentally ended up in Shane's room barf so we left after that and took an Uber to my apartment. He stayed the night which was a first because usually he leaves or I leave right after. But, we were both still a little drunk and I wasn't going to make him try and get an Uber at like three in the morning. Luckily when I woke up around eight he was gone and I checked my phone to see a message from him.

I responded and we've been texting all morning now. I feel bad because here I am, leading him on all over again when all I wanted was sex God that sounds so messed up. I walk into the kitchen and Izzy emerges from her room with Collin, she walks him out and then plops down onto the couch. I make us each a cup of coffee and then walk over and join her.

"That boy and his tongue" I elbow her side.

"TMI Izz... TMI" she cracks up and takes her mug from my hand.

"Oh shut up, you and Cal were getting all down in dirty. I heard you when we got home and you seemed to be enjoying yourself" she says with a smirk.

I roll my eyes "The sex is great but that's all it is"

Her expression saddens "Do you think you'll ever date anyone else? You know he would want you to be happy Mads"

She's the only one who knows the truth "I hurt him and that guilt eats me alive every single day Izzy. Getting into another relationship feels like I would be twisting that knife even deeper"

"It's been two years... two long years. I think he would just want you to be happy in general. If the accident didn't happen, yeah he would have been heartbroken. But, you two have know each other forever and you know that he would have forgiven you. Don't twist Carter's asshole attitude with Stone. Carter is battling his own shit and takes it out on you, but Stone wasn't like that and you know it" she has a point and she knows them almost as well as I do.

I met Izzy in eighth grade and the guys welcomed her with open arms. It was the four of us growing up together after that and even though she wasn't as close with the twins, she knows them better than other people do. I know that everything she said is true, Stone would have forgiven me eventually because he was just that great of a guy. But, it still feels wrong to want to be with anyone else and I feel like it would only make Carter hate me even more than he already does.

"The thought of dating and putting myself out there just feels strange" I say with a sigh.

"Because you've only ever loved two guys" she says bluntly.

I look at her surprised "How did you know?"

"How did I know that you've been in love with Carter? C'mon on Mads I'm your best friend and I was surprised you even went out with Stone for as long as you did. You and Carter were always the closest and it was obvious that he liked you" I now look confused as hell.

"No he didn't like me like that, which is why I said yes to Stone. Carter came to me for advice and looked at me like a friend, he never gave me any inkling that he wanted more. Especially after sleeping with all of our friends and every girl in the school county"

She laughs "Why do you think he did that?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

Her eyes narrow at me "You're a smart girl Madden... he slept around because he couldn't have you. He knew how Stone felt and wasn't going to intervene with his brother's feelings"

"He hates me and blames me for Stone's death... there's no way he ever felt more than that. I refuse to believe it"

"Why? Why is it so hard to believe? I've seen the way he looks at you when you don't notice"