Messages of love

John's story 2

   John sometimes kept things from his mom. My mother knew his and they kept contact with each other for quite some years. My mother would sometimes ask me how John is doing, what he's up to, because his mother rarely knew the answers to these questions, but I did.
   Sometime in April he sent me his sketches and characters he has drawn in Illustrator - he usually took inspiration from different TV shows or games. I always found it very cool, and he was very good at it too!

15th of April, 2017

S: I finished the 1st season of Flash

J: Daaamn!!
J: Season 2 nextttt

S: Yup, definitely! 
S: But season 1 was so fucked-upp! But I like it!
S: And omg
S: It was something!

J: :D 

S: Thank you, John! If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have watched it:) 

J: Time paradox :D

S: What?

J: You need to watch the next season to find out ;)

S: Alright...I'll keep going

J: Keep going

Then we had to hand in a lot of assignments, so we both were staying up pretty late at night and supporting each other. And I decided to offer him to do physics presentation for him.

8th of May, 2017

J: I can't anymore :DD

S: What exactly? :D

J: Lucifer is such a good show

S: Oh noooo
S: Don't you need to do your presentation in physics? :D

J: I dooo
J: But...I received a notification that a new episode came out

S: :DDD
S: I'm drawing right now and crying inside
S: I want to eat so badly I can feel my ribs sticking out :D

J: Throw that drawing in the toilet and get something to eat
J: I'd rather eat than do math right now, fuuuck
J: And I need to learn that stupid poem

S: :D
S: Hey! I wanted to make you laugh not make you mad :D
S: How can I help you?

J: Hmmm
J: I don't know
J: It's not like you can learn a poem for me :D

S: Tell meee! How can I help?? 
S: I can try :D

J: Hmm
J: You can make a presentation in physics

S: Let's go!
S: Send me what you have

J: Ok

(...)

S: Your presentation is done!
S: Keep going, don't give up!

J: Wait, let me check it out

J: Wow!! Thanks a lot!!

S: It's nothing :)

   We were supporting each other and we were stressing over our exams together, I tried to calm him. He was preparing to enroll in a different school, and that made me sad- I thought it will put an end to our friendship, which just developed recently. Around this time we started hanging out in our neighborhood with another classmate of ours - Robert, a tall big guy, who could seem a little threatening if you didn't know him, but he was a big softy inside. Sometimes, but very rarely, we would go outside without him.
   On 21st of May I texted John to ask him how he's doing, and that was the first time we had an open and honest conversation. He didn't tell me what was wrong exactly, he just stated vaguely that he feels angry, that something is missing, that he hasn't achieved something, he hasn't improved something about himself. He wanted to give up, he said.He said that he wants to tell me, but he can't. He admitted to me that he is lacking joy in his life, he's lacking friends, real happiness. He said he feels lonely, that he feels as if everyone has turned their back against him. I remember my heart beating faster as I was reading this. I could feel his pain, and I was worried he felt this way about me as well. I asked him if he felt the same way about me, he said- no.  

   John was sad to realize that we will see each other more rarely, because he will be in a different school. In the end he thanked me for allowing him to get these things off his chest. I think it was in that moment that I decided I always want to be there for him, I want to be that person that he can vent to and be honest with. 
   It was very rare for John to tell me what exactly happened and what specifically made him feel a certain way- I always had to ask him the right questions and lead him to the answer himself, even if sometimes he didn't share that answer with me, I allowed him to reach his own conclusion and decide whether he wants to keep it to himself. That day I suggested him to watch the Breakfast Club, because it touches on the subject of loneliness and lack of friends. That was also the first time I texted him "Good night, sunshine! "Sunshine", because I want to remind you how much light you give me every day." And that was true- he blessed me with hid friendship and his attention. He answered with "Good night, my sun".