Vienna

Solana

     Things looked so blurry and I was so disoriented once we left the club that I immediately leaned over and puked on the sidewalk for a good five minutes. Solana took her hair tie out and tied mine up. I did a bump. We laughed when I was done puking and snorting and I felt better. I felt alive again. The moonlight reflected off of her dark, almost black hair. We walked until we reached stairs. I followed her and let her guide me into an old New York apartment building with vines overtaking the ancient brick. We walked all the way down the poorly lit hallway and again she took my hand, leading me into the last apartment. I smelled rose and eucalyptus and I took a deep breath for the first time in a long time.

     She shut the door, said she needed to pee, and disappeared. I took the time to look around her space. It was clean, and beautiful. The lighting was warm and dim, there was a general lack of colors but the room was so open and beautifully decorated it didn't feel dark at all. On the table, in front of the couch, there was a tapestry spread out with incense recently burned, a tray with weed and papers, makeup scattered around, a fifty dollar bill, and a half empty bottle of champagne next to a single crystal glass.

     I heard mewling and saw on the shiny black couch a shiny black feline, too big to be a kitten but still too small to be an adult. Solana returned and scooped up the cat. Her name was Nina. Now we were all sitting on the couch.

     We started to talk about the club, and Max, and what happened. She looked in my eyes and drank in my every word. She had beautiful advice, and a beautiful face. I felt better as she consoled me.

    She lit a candle, rolled a joint, played music on the TV, and we drank the champagne out of the same crystal glass until it was all gone. I put my lips over her lipstick mark on the frosted glass.

     Solana.

     She was so radiantly beautiful. She was still wearing her dress, short and nude colored. Her breasts spilled out of the top. Every so often she shifted them, but for the most part, she let them stay squished on the top of her bra seam.

     I texted Max, wherever he was, that I found my own way home because I was upset and I didn't want to talk. I knew he wouldn't believe me because that was a ridiculous excuse but I didn't care. I knew he would go to the apartment and I wouldn't be there. I just couldn't care.

     Solana came closer to me, resting her head on my chest. My heart skipped. I reached my hand out and shakily pulled her thin strap back up her shoulder. It slid back down and a bit more of her dress top peeled down. I saw a little bit of darker brown skin peeking out, and neither of us moved to hide it. Her dress fell past her chest a bit at a time. I aided it, shimmying the material  down past her full breasts and letting it rest under them for some time. I felt both of our hearts speeding up by the second. She held my hand and guided it to hold her breasts. I gently caressed her, and now it was real. She shifted and looked into my eyes. I saw her hair draped over her shoulder, her eyes filled with want, and her breasts sitting beautifully in front of me. She kissed me. My dress came down too. We were naked and staring at each other. She told me she thinks my name is so beautiful and romantic. I whispered her name drunkenly into her mouth and she moaned.

     I don't know how many hours we laid together, touching every part of each other, staring into each other's eyes. I wish I remembered more than flashes after she kissed me. I wish it never had to end.

     We woke up to sunlight pouring into the room and bathing our skin in gold. I was hungover, and the fantasy crashed. I told her I should try to call Max and disappeared.

    I stood outside of her door, in her oversized T-shirt and nothing else. I dialed Max, three times before I heard his voice.

     I didn't understand what he was telling me. It was so opposite from what I expected. I thought he would yell at me, and shame me for leaving him.

     Instead, he was crying. Whimpering like a baby. He told me through sobs and choked words that he was so sorry for how he has been acting, and he was so sorry he ever put his hands on me, and he needed me to come home. He missed me. Needed me.

     This effectively made me feel more ashamed.

I hung up and cried silently, sliding down the outside of her apartment door. I texted him to come get me, and bring pills because I was starting to feel really sick. I knew he would bring them this time.

I pulled myself together, silently got my things and left. I didn't speak to Solana again.

He was quiet in the car. I asked him if he was okay. He stayed quiet for a while. He asked what I did last night.

The heavy feeling of sadness in the car overwhelmed me and I told him. I slept with the girl he was talking to at the bar last night.

He stayed quiet.

We arrived home, finally, and he gave me a bottle of pills. He told me to go inside and he would be out for some time. I knew I wouldn't see him again for a while.