Here From a Distance

1

The timeline of this show makes no sense and I'm not here to try to figure it out so let's all just pretend this could actually happen ok? Because honestly, you cannot convince me the people who write for this show even know the timeline of it. Also, haven't seen the most recent Grey's. I have heard something went down with Benley, but I don't know what and I don't want to know right now so if you know what happened there, just forget about it when you read this ok?  This was published on AO3 last week so if you already read it there, just know it's the same story. Ok. good. Enjoy.

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Maya woke up with a start at 3 am one morning. She had no clue why she woke up. Sure, her sleep still wasn't exactly amazing, but she had been doing better at staying asleep. It was hard because somehow, after being so accustomed to having an empty side of her bed for most of her life, she now ached for it to be filled with the woman she loved. But she knew that Carina wasn't ready for that yet and she respected that. She had done a lot to break her wife's trust and she was willing to wait as long as it took to prove to her that she had changed.

Maya tried to readjust herself again in bed, but she could not find a comfortable position, sighing as she reached for her phone. She knew the blue light was bad for her, but sometimes, when she couldn't sleep, she would pull out her phone and look at pictures of Carina to help lull herself back to sleep.

However, as she turned on the screen, after her eyes adjusted to the bright assault of light after hours of sleep, she noticed the date. Somehow, in the midst of trying to work through therapy and trying to ease back into work and trying to force herself to be patient with the time it was taking Carina to want to talk, she had lost track of the day and it was now the anniversary of Andrew's death. Sure, he didn't actually die until late at night, but still, this day was the day her wife's life and by extension her own, changed three years ago.

She ached to be with her wife, to comfort her on today of all days, knowing that this day was never easy.

The first year, Carina has spent most of the day just lying on the kitchen floor, one of Andrew's blankets that had been stored in a box for a year and still smelled like him held close, staring up at the ceiling, though she did allow Maya to lay with her and she would occasionally tell her little stories about her brother. It had been a hard day, but it ended with them in bed together, Carina allowing herself to cry and receive comfort.

The following year, Carina had been on her hormone injections and absolutely miserable and Maya had been at work and had forgotten what day it was until she came home after shift and found her wife in tears holding Andrew's blanket, instantly going to comfort her.

This was now the third year since Andrew's death and this year, Maya had no idea where her wife even was aside from a hotel. She had been tempted to ask, knowing that a lot of their friends knew where she was staying, but Maya didn't want to be tempted to go and try to talk to Carina before she was ready so she just allowed herself to know that her wife was safe and was trying to be ok with that being enough for the time being.

However, today, all Maya wanted was to run to every hotel in the city until she found the Italian and hold her or just sit next to her while she prepared to face yet another year without her baby brother. She knew, though, that that was not what Carina needed and she was not about to be selfish, especially not today.

She did, however, get out of bed, going down the hall and into the spare room, going under the bed to find the box of Andrew's things they kept there. She sighed when she pulled it out, realizing the blanket was still inside. She knew Carina was going to want this today. However, she didn't want her to have to come get it because she didn't want her to have to come back to the apartment and see her before she was ready.