The Killer with A Blade

Chapter 11- Battling

It's been a month since I moved in with Cassian. He's been very gentle and careful with me since I last threatened him. I have trouble walking down the stairs, run as fast as I used to, I can't lift weights, I literally can't lift a single fucking finger. My whole body hurts and cancer is taking my bueaty.
My chemotherapy started 3 weeks ago and I'm feeling extremely weak and vulnerable. All i have been wearing is long big dresses that hide my curves- the ones I had- and bandanas to hide my falling hair.

I hate this version of me.

Cassian has been by my side everyday and in every appointment, holding my hand in every step of the way.
Even when I look ugly and old, he still says sweet things to me. It makes me feel like it's all a lie. Like all this is just a dream. I just hope my dumass wakes up quick if it is. Dreaming is for kids.
"Cassian! C-could you help me?" I said, coughing as I walked out our room- yes our room. He made me sleep in the same bed as him so he could keep me on check all the time. It pisses me off that I have to share a room with him, but I think about his support and how caring he is. It makes me happy I have someone like him by me.

"Of course." He quickly came up and held my arm as I took slow steps down the stairs. "Uh. I fucking hate this. I just hope I die soon." I took a quick glance at him he was hotter than ever with those sweatpants and tight shirt that showed his huge muscles.
"Don't say that, Regina." I shouldn't have said that, this will lead to another lecture of why dying is not an option.

"We're you working out?" I said, as I noticed sweat all over his face and his hair drenched but in a very sexy way.
"Yes, I was. Want to watch me down at the gym?" He said, smirking. I laughed at his joke. Lately, he's made me laugh all the laughs I haven't had since I was kid. I love that he makes stupid jokes that.
Soon after my laughs turned into unbearable coughs. Coughing causes me so much pain, it hurts like a fucking bitch.
"Regina. Calm down. Breath," said Cassian. He put me down and we sat on the stairs, half way down.

Great.

Cassian rubbed my back and kept on telling me to inhale calmly. I did as he said and soon after, the coughing stopped. "I don't think I'll survive any longer, Cassian." I said, chuckling a little.
"Regina," he said, turning my head towards him. "Don't say things like that. You got this. You can do it. I'll be by your side every step of the way. No matter what." That hit hard. Hearing him say that made me feel butterflies.

Disgusting.

I sat silent. Looking at his eyes. They were the only thing in the moment that made me feel calm. Calm like the ocean. Everytime this attacks happen I look at his eyes, his clear blue eyes I love to dive into.
I held his hand and tried to get up.

"Take me to the garden."

As I walked out holding his arm for support, I inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled the bueatiful scent of the wind. I loved this view, the trees, the beautiful red roses, the little trail through the bush's of spines and bueaty. Everything here was beautiful. "Cassian," I turned to face him.
"Yea?" He said.
"I think I'll be good for now." He slowly let go and walked back to the gym. "OH, and Cassian!" I said.

"Yes, my love?"

"Thank you for your help and support."
And with that, he came walking fast towards me and gave me a big hug. A warm tight hug that made those butterflies come out again. "Anytime, my love." He said, kissing my forehead. "I'll get going then. Enjoy the view."

I wonder... how would it have been for me if I hadn't been married with Cassian. Will I have had the control on myself? Would I have been doing the same thing over and over? Would I be here right now? All these thoughts come to my head as I watch the sunset and feel so guilty for treating Cassian the way I have. Every since I've known Cassian I have always treated him like shit. I never liked showing respect for men, I never like to be nice with men, I never even liked him at all. Not until now.

What?! I like him?

"I must have gone crazy now." I said, mumbling out.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Kills?" Said the maid from behind.

"Nothing. Do your job. And my last name isn't kills. Its Blade."
"Sorry, Mrs. Kills, but Mr. Kills instructed all of us to refer to you as 'Mrs. Kills.' I am only following orders."

That asshole. And to think I like him.

"Very well then."

"May I tell you something, Mrs. Kills?"
I walk towards the roses and gently feel each of them.
"What is it?" I say.
The maid walks closer to me and hands me a piece of cloth out for me.
"You're bleeding, Mrs. Kills."
I look down at my hand and realize I cut my skin by rubbing my hands in the thorns. This has never happened. Ever since I have memory, I never once have bleed from thorns, even when I'd purposely tried to cut myself. "Ah, thank you." I grabbed the cloth and placed it on my hand. I was bleeding quite a lot more than normal and the scar wasn't that big.
"Let me take you to the kitchen to help with the wound, Mrs. Kills."

"Leave it alone. It's okay."
I walk away and try to calm down because the blood isn't stopping. At this point it should stop, if it doesn't I might pass out.
I feel quite dizzy as I walked farther and farther, and then fell to my knees.