Remember Me

Chapter Seventeen

"I'm dying okay!" I cut him off. "I'm dying, and there isn't anything anyone can do about it!"

As my words leave my mouth, Nathan's face drains of color, leaving him pale and motionless. He stares at me with wide, unblinking eyes, as if the weight of my revelation has shattered his entire world. There is a stillness about him, devoid of any tremor or movement. It's as if he has become frozen, trapped in a state of paralysis, completely unaware of what lies ahead or how to respond to the situation unfolding before him. The devastation on his face tells a story of a world crumbling, leaving him suspended in a state of numb disbelief.

"Wha...what are you talking about?" Nathan stutters as his own breathing picks up rapidly. "Dying? That doesn't make any sense. You are only seventeen years old, how are you dying?" Nathan rambles on, not daring to look me in the eyes.

He cares.

After all these years, he still cares about me.

I knew it.

I gather my strength, wiping away the tears streaming down my face, and sit up straight. "Nathan, please, calm down," I implore, cautiously extending my hands toward him. Tentatively, I intertwine my fingers with his, seeking solace in the connection. When he doesn't recoil or pull away, I tighten my grip, holding his hands firmly. "I can explain," I assure him, my voice full with a mix of urgency and determination.

"How? How can you possibly explain something like this?" Nathan's voice trembles with disbelief and desperation. "You shouldn't be dying, Charlotte. Your life is meant to be long and fulfilling. You're supposed to be valedictorian, play soccer for Harvard or whatever prestigious university you get accepted to, because we all know you'll get into all of the ones you apply to. Then you're going to become a doctor, caring for those who need you the most. And you're going to die old and peacefully. No. You must be mistaken. You're lying to me," he exhales rapidly, vehemently shaking his head in denial.

I inhale a hiccupy breath before letting the one word I hate the most escape my lips. "Cancer. Nathan, it's cancer."

"Cancer?" Nathan repeats. It looks as if he has just been diagnosed with cancer himself. His face goes pale white and his pupils dilated so much so I can only see a faint ring of blue echoing from his eyes. "No. You can't have cancer. You are so young, no. This isn't right."

"Nath, please, let me explain," I beg, fighting the tears that fill the brims of my eyes ready to fall. Nathan gives me a brief nod before I continue. "I have malignant mesothelioma. It's cancer that occurs in the thin layer of tissue that covers the majority of my internal organs. Mine is mostly in my lungs."

"Oh god Charlotte. I am an idiot. An idiot who is so sorry. This- oh god, I don't even know what to say," Nathan's gaze drops to his hands, which intertwine with mine. He lets them stay there.

"You're not an idiot," I say. "I didn't want anyone to know. It was my choice."

Nathan fidgets in his seat beside me, his eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and concern. "Can I ask you something?" He inquires, his voice tinged with hesitance.

"Of course, you can ask me anything," I respond, allowing a gentle, reassuring smile to grace my lips.

His question hangs in the air for a moment before he continues, his tone carefully measured. "How did this happen? What caused it? I hope you don't mind me asking, I just want to grasp a general understanding of what you're going through. Is that alright with you?"

I nod back, letting the question sink in. "No it is alright, I don't mind sharing. So here are the basics, for me, since it varies from person to person. Cancers, including mesotheliomas, occur when the DNA in cells is damaged. As I'm sure you know from your biology lessons, DNA is the chemical in each of our cells that makes up our genes. Basically the instructions for how our cells function. We usually look like our parents because they are the source of our DNA. But DNA affects more than how we look. Some genes control when cells in the body grow, divide into new cells, and die. Changes in these genes may cause cells to grow out of control, which can lead to cancer. It led to my cancer."