Needed // Jikook [✓]

02

Like a stalker in the dead of night, his insecurities seemed to creep up upon him, attacking him while he was most vulnerable as he sat on stage in front of thousands of army. His injury didn't permit him to dance around like the rest of the members did and he found himself seated on a stool while he watched them stand ahead of him, interacting with armys, singing to their heart's content, and enjoying themselves.

His eyes took in the way the rest of the boys stood away from him and a sense of loneliness seemed to wash over him. They seemed happy. They seemed to really enjoy themselves.

As he watched the six of them, he couldn't help but feel like he wasn't needed. They were a wonderful group together and maybe, just maybe, he wasn't needed. Maybe they could be BTS without him. Maybe it wouldn't affect them if he wasn't part of their group. Maybe it was for this very reason he'd managed to hurt himself today. Maybe it was a sign to show him that his presence or his absence made no difference to the group. They would still be BTS without him.

Like the rough waters of an ocean during a harsh storm, his insecurities seem to drown him in its sorrows.

His lungs burned with the need for air. His eyes stung with tears. But its waves were merciless and pulled him deeper.

Unwanted, replaceable, unloved.

It's what those voices in his head seemed convince him he truly is.

Stupid for believing he was needed, or wanted, or even irreplaceable.

What an idiot!

He found himself gasping softly and it struck him he wasn't alone in the comfort of a closed room but on a stage in front of thousands of army.

He tried.

He really did.

But a tear slid down his cheek.

Then another.

And it wouldn't stop.

He turned around in his seat, facing away from the crowd that watched them. He gasped again as his insecurity seemed to prick him in places where it hurt most.

He buried his face in his hands, ashamed as he cried silently into them.

--
22 March, 2023