LIVING
I : To those who feel hopeless ,shattered and emotionless it's okey . it's bad days not a bad life .
But that dosen't mean letting your guard down , life as we know it changed drastically .
1. The sheep :
We were born to be the better version of our parents , the leaders of the world like future teachers , doctors , lawyers etc... me personally , i wanted to be something like that , i even imagined myself a future astronaut , president just someone who would make the world a better place for others .
We were also raised to love and be loved unconditionally , like ADAM & EVE , JAY-Z & BEYONCE and the most amazing couple i know , my parents . That's why i have always been a lover , since i was young i learned about love and acquired it at a young age , it's kinda funny falling in love at 6 years of age . It's kids love , that's what people see but for me i got attached to that girl like a magnet .
The love in my heart lasted about 6 years . nevertheless love didn't affect my studies in elementary , well for a kid of course i struggled with some basic literacy & numeracy as others , well all kids do struggle but at the end of the day the society puts all of it's faith in us to become something great .
These expectations were given along to us with our own realization , the fact that each one of us is really special ... We really had a great potential, especially my generation '00's.
The 2000's, what a generation eh? along with potential, the love, the discipline we grew up in the best lifetime ever probably, it's subjective for some people but for me, it's the greatest of all time, we had the best athletes ever like Ronaldo, Messi, Lebron, Kobe ...There was no other great role models for kids, disregarding the entertainment at the time. Beside all the world was peaceful, people really cared about each other, the neighborhood was like a bee hive. We were pumping nothing but happiness.
There were some stormy days , when someone dies ...
It felt like the skies were crying , the trees were waving goodbye for the last time while we take the dead to the graveyard . It was a time were everyone knew each other . We were like the midnight sky , you would see all the stars filling the galaxy , as if they were greeting & holding each other .
But nothing really last forever .
2.The human :
The world had begun changing, some of it's colors faded , after certain situations you just don't feel the same about people . For me it was the year 2012 , although I was a kid still , for some reason I thought that the world will end on new year's eve .
That period of time life became grey day by day , all I had through my mind was the fear of unfulfilling my goals back then , like getting old , married , have kids etc... it's kinda scary for me , each day went by took the soul out of me , and to my surprise it didn't end there , it was the first time where I was relieved but life opened up a whole new type of my fears , which is the thought of dying kills me more than dying itself , and it gets funny to me because I see death as the most comforting thing ever along with love . Getting past 2012 was an accomplishment that can never be repeated .
Love & Death , that's how I see life nowadays , and most days I'm sure that I'm getting closer to death more than love and that doesn't scare me like it used to do , lately I just feel scared , helpless because the thought of dying in such condition in life brings me shame , emptiness and fear . The idea of dying without fulfilling anything in life keeps me up all night , apart from that the loneliness is tearing me day by day which made me invulnerable to the words <I LOVE YOU>
I want you to know , from the bottom of my heart that I can't change for you or anyone else , because I know deep down in my heart behind the emptiness I give you there's an ocean of feelings trapped in there waiting for something strong enough to let it flow . At the end of the day I'm nothing but a human being , I will make mistakes that I can either fix or let go.
I had feelings before without knowledge ... But today I have knowledge without feelings.
