Lovedale..

SS-I: 1.Defeated

The orb of night was playing hide and seek with the black and white flowers in the sky. The immeasurably cold wind left its beads of perspiration on the surfaces it touched suggesting the honey combs in the sky were at the verge of bursting. The roaring thunder made her jerk off from the place she had occupied for hours waiting for him. She looked at her slothfully moving blue silhouette on the wall of her niche, the place she happily inhabited for a year. 

Her ghostly contour narrated the tale of her disheveled appearance, she was a terrible mess. Her long sinky raven hair had lost the sheen as did her eyes. Her saree pallu had slid from her head and hung down from her shoulder caressing the floor and the staircase as she made her way to the terrace to drench herself in the emotions of the sky, the storms inside her was definitely larger than the storms that awaited outside.

She wanted to reach before the first drop of rain found its refuge on the ground, before the aroma of the soil filled the air, perhaps, she wanted to sublimate with the substance that was soon to fill her home. The chimes of her jwellery sang a song of despair to the emotions she was burying in the deepest darkest corners of her heart, 'it was not meant to be, she was not meant to be here', she consoled her mourning heart, at least it still stayed by her side unlike her other organs that betrayed her like her destiny. 

She wanted to cry, she wanted to yell and she wanted to question every second person who stood numb when she was gulping down the truth through her delicate throat, but all that escaped her mouth was an empty gasp. She pulled herself to the place which was decorated with white lillies exactly a year ago, awaiting a love confession, 'love' she chuckled sadly. She would kill those girls next time she met them, who fed her head with those incoherent ideas she took delight in, she brushed the first salty drop that escaped through her almond shaped globe with her index finger. 

With her started the wails of the sky, the steady downpour had an unusual speed tonight, they pricked her body like his words echoing in her head did, was it the rain of water or needles she wondered! But she loved it, the painful kisses the needles rewarded her with. She sat on the ice cold marble, positioning her hands behind as she leant backwards facing the sky with stretched legs, she closed her eyes and focused on the droplets stabbing her hairline, how much merry they made washing away the red colour she wore with so much pride! 

Her lotus feet effortlessly lost the Alta amidst the mocking of her laughing toe rings, she hated their luster which appeared brighter with every lightning. Her palms would be losing it too, she folded her legs and brought her hands in front of her eyes, the remnants reminded her of what remained in her life, her responsibility as his student. She let herself drench in the burning emotions, a little more time, just a little more, it was her first rejection and he was her first love and maybe last too. 

She cuddled her knees concealing her head with in and the edges of the pushtaini kangan that her Kakasasurji gifted her for her vivah ki varshghaat cut her arms as she held her legs close to her heart. She cried her heart out grieving for the new found feeling that she forsweared readily, there was no if and but to what he said, but but but, she was twelve, just twelve, almost half his age, how could he expect her to be sensible enough? 

Let her take her time in foolishness, let her lament for what was not hers, let her satisfy the little child in her, her heart that had the courage to face the storm yet was no less than a toddler. She wanted to throw some tantrums stomping or may be laying on the ground throwing her limbs, if only she had someone by her side to bear her tantrums like a sweet spring rain, alas, there weren't any, she didn't want to burden any, she was not wanted, she didn't belong here, how could she be a pain to someone? A pain to her.. pat.. Pati Babu? She cried and cried letting the unwanted emotions flow, until she thought she had reached her maximum capacity.