Falling Until I'm Found

I sat there staring, nobody noticing. As i watched the beautiful boy i am desperately crushing on. Harry Edward Styles and Alexandria Nicole Roze, I wrote on my paper All i can do is stare, i am to shy to even talk.

The bell rang so I packed up my stuff but, as i headed for the door. I bumped into a large figure.

"Im sorry" I said quickly as i looked up to see a beautiful face. I blushed as he replied "No, it's fine it's my fault i wasn't watching where i was going"

"it Harry right?" i said as i tried to act like i didn't know him "Yeah" he answered and laughed little. " and your Alex?" he questioned "Thats what they call me but my name alexandria" i said to him while smiling and looking at the ground. "well, uhh see you around Alex" he said while smiling and walking off down the hallway.

I went to meet with my best-friend Jenna in the cafeteria. As She went on about what she did in English, all I could think about was Harry the beautiful man that remembered my name.

"So did you find a date to the dance yet?" asked Jenna. The dance was in two weeks and I didn't plan on going. "No, I just plan on staying home in my pajamas while watching a movie," I explained to her. "You should ask harry" she said Jokingly. Jenna knew I really liked Harry, she would always tease me about him. "I'm not that desperate" I told her while laughing.

"you could come with me and Jonas," Jenna said to me. Jonas was Jenna's boyfriend they have been together for almost a year. "No you and your boyfriend should go alone" I told her. "you sure?" She asked concerned. "Yeah" I answered softly.

After a little while I started think about Harry again how his deep dimples dug into his face, his eyes a colour of green with a shade of grey, his tallness and the way hid springy curls bounce as he walks.

"How was school?" my mum asked as I walked in the door. "ehh it was alright I guess, I got an A in History" I told her. "that's nice". she said like she didn't care. my mom doesn't really pay any attendtion to me.

I went upstairs to my room and dropped my bag by the door and laid on my bed and rolled over to check the time. it was about 4:30, my clock is always a couple minutes off.

I picked up my laptop and checked Facebook. I clicked on my messages to see who it was. That's when I realized it was blake.... the guy who always bothers me and makes fun if me also known as my bully....

The message said

"why do you breath, your ugly, nobody will ever love you" tears started rolling down my face. I don't even know why he hates me

This has been happening for about 6 months now, I have never told anyone. I have cried my self to sleep clountless times, I got so many scars I can't even keep track anymore, I have also thought of suicide millions of times. if I killed my self it will end all the pain, the bullying, the crying, the cutting, and I also wonder if I died would people start to care.

but I can't do it I would hurt Jenna the most and my mum even if she doesn't pay anttion to me ans the rest of my family.

I don't know how long I have been crying but my alarm clock says it's 5:18. I guess I should take a shower now. so got up off my bed and gathered my stuff to take a shower. once I got in the bathroom I looked in the mirror and that's when I realized why Blake hates me I'm ugly... My cheeks are to big, my eyes are to small, my lips are to big, my face is to round, and I am to fat.

I started crying even harder this time. so I forgot about my shower and went to my closet where I would find my shining price of metal. I rubbed it on my wrist, just hard enough that it would break the skin and bleed.

Once I calmed my self Down I got up and put on a pair of sweatpants and my black hoddie and tied up my blond hair. After that I grabbed my phone and headset and went down stairs to put on my white Vans.

I left the house with my headphones on while I listened to my favorite song I sang along quietly as I walked to the park

~A drop in the ocean

a change in the weather

i was praying that you and me might end up together

its like wishing for rain as i stand in the desert

but I'm holding you closer than most because you are my heaven.~