tw; sensitive topics(suicide, self-harm, social anxiety and others.).
[ note; if you are feeling depressed, please do not self-harm nor try suicide. talk to somebody you trust. if anyone ever needs it, my dms are open here. you can vent to me at any point if you don't have anybody to talk to. i am a friend to all <3 ]
Giyuu so desperately wants to get closer to the other Pillars, but he's terrified they'll die like Sabito and Tsutako did.
Giyuu wishes Shinobu would stop reminding him of his lack of friends and his missing smile, along with his fear that everybody hates him and views him as a waste of space.
The other Pillars' words mean more to Giyuu than they realize. He takes Shinobu's, Obanai's, and Sanemi's harsh words to heart and lets them get under his skin.
The reason Giyuu doesn't speak to the other Pillars or interact with them much is because he's afraid they'll just get annoyed and see him as a bother, and he doesn't want to have that image.
Giyuu like hanging out with the Kamaboko Squad because they're a good break from the harsh criticism he recieves around the other Pillars. He smiles a bit more around them because of how kind they are to him, always inviting him to hang out and eat with them.
Giyuu has horrible nightmares often. The nightmares often revolve around his lost relationship with Sabito and Tsutako; often times, the nightmares are about his old best friend and elder sister being angry at, or even hating him in his worst nightmares, for letting them die. He wakes up in a cold sweat, repeatedly muttering the words " I'm sorry " under his breath as he tries to calm down. All he craves after a nightmare is for somebody to comfort him, to stay by his side until he calms down. Sometimes he recieves his wish.
Giyuu likes to hang out with Tengen and Gyomei best out of all the Pillars, right beside Muichirou. The reason for this is that Tengen and Gyomei have been beside him the longest, and therefore understand his reasoning for being so quiet and lonesome.
Giyuu used to be slightly brighter around the Pillars when it was only him, Tengen, Gyomei, Kanae, Sanemi, and Shinjuro. He connected better with them. But when Kanae died and Shinjuro retired, Giyuu became much quieter. He blamed himself, deciding he'd been too obnoxious around Shinjuro, and he blamed himself for Kanae's death because despite the collective promise (I headcanoned) they'd made to protect everybody, he failed to protect Kanae. The thought scared him out of his mind, and he drilled into his mind that Shinobu would hate him forever for failing.
Petty as it may seem, Giyuu is envious of Muichirou and Obanai. The reason for such feelings is because though the two are also very quiet and don't share much about themselves, nor have they ever smiled in front of the others, Shinobu doesn't bug them about it. It upsets Giyuu that even though the Mist and Serpent Pillars do the same thing he does, isolate themselves save for one or two people and not talk or smile much -- or hardly at all --, they aren't constantly picked on for it. He hates Shinobu for targeting him.
Giyuu admires Kyojuro for his resilience and optimism, and wishes he could be more like the Flame Pillar.
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that's it for giyuu, im sorry these are all sad :( i might add more later, and those might be happier :]
