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no fancy crap or much metaphors;
your existence itself is gravity. you pull me back to your presence and root me to the very spot you walked away from. i can't seem to find my way out. i find myself repeating that very day in july like a broken record hoping i would get tired one day and finally stop.
because i'm tired, but i'm chained to memories of you. i tried walking while dragging the emptiness you left, but i'd always end up getting dragged instead. the scars we left each other tie themselves around my neck dragging me along the rough road each time you take a step forward. i don't know how to free myself when you've already set me free long back.
i keep going back to the ghost of you. the remains of your presence lingering around, fooling me that you're still here. but i know i don't want you back, i can't have you back. because even if i do, i know i'll die when you're around. you're not good for me, and i'm not good for you.
i know the day will come when i have to burn every single piece of you that i've stored at the back of my head. you can't exist in my life anymore. not even in my memories.
call it bitterness but i'm desperate. i have to save us. save myself from drowning in the sea condensed of your tears.
it's funny because i'm the antagonist here.
they say that i'm not and that my actions were valid, but i'm convinced that i'm the bad luck here. i'm someone who ruins. i break beautiful pieces. i scar people. i scar myself and point fingers at you.
i'm a monster. i don't want to be, but i don't know how to break free.
i can't conclude trauma because bad people can't have trauma, they deserve pain and suffering. they deserve all the bad things after all that they've done to people around them. a manipulative, liar, gaslighting asshole. name it all.
i don't know what to do.
i can't think straight.
i can't think good.
i am rotting away.
maybe i do deserve this.
no, i deserve this.
but please i don't want to go on anymore. i want it to stop, i want us to end.
