The New Beginning - M.V

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20 May 2021
                                                                                                   
                           Dear Dairy
I'm lost, so lost. I don't know what to do to get out of this dark place, I don't like my job, I live at home all of a sudden after my best friend Elisa met her new boyfriend who by the way is absolutely perfect for her, they have seeing each other three months now and moved in together 3 weeks ago. Since then I have been lost, I don't know what to do, I feel so alone, I cry, laugh and have anxiety all at the same time. It feels like the cup is being filled more and more and soon it will overflow, the anxiety is slowly killing me from the inside and I've lost my self. I've been isolating myself since moving home, not seeing anyone outside of work and that's really not good for me, I know that but I don't really feel to do something else. The only thing I'm looking forward to is the trip Elisa and I have been planning for over six months, we're finally going on our dream trip to Monaco in 1 month. As long as I can keep my head above water until we leave, everything will work out.
xoxo

3 June 2021                                                                                                   

                             Dear Dairy
I didn't think my life could get any more difficult than it has been for the last few weeks, but I was wrong, the cup has officially found its way over. Today Elisa told me that she doesn't want to go on the trip anymore, she doesn't want to leave Aron. Imagine being so in love that you can't be without your boyfriend for 2 weeks. I am super happy for Elisa, I would do anything to find someone who could love me as much as Aron loves Elisa. But right now, when my life has already collapsed, it feels like everything is going wrong, the only thing I've been looking forward to won't go away. I am angry, disappointed and sad and don't know what I can do to get out of this dark hole. I believed and hoped that this trip would be the turning point, now I don't know what the turning point will be.
xoxo

10 June 2021
                                                                                                  

                            Dear Diary
I don't know if I'm totally crazy doing this but I can't think of a better way to change this vicious cycle I'm in, actually my therapist said some wise words yesterday when we had our weekly meeting, this is what she said "You have to challenge yourself, you have to realize what your own value is and you have to dare. I think you should go away, try something new, go out into the world and live your life for you, Be happy and treat yourself to just living, find your happy, fun self again." I resigned from work and booked a one-way ticket to Monaco, I don't know how long I'll be gone, I've booked a place to live in for 2 weeks, the rest will be sorted out on the road.(I hope) To be honest, I'm terrified, I've never traveled alone before, I've never been unemployed, I've never focused only on myself, but it's time. I'm going to make a whole change in my life, I'm going to get out of the dark spiral I've been in. The journey of my life starts in 5 days and I'm happy, proud and terrified, but I guess that's how it should feel when you starting a new chapter in his life, and I'm ready.
xoxo

15 June 2021                                                                                               

                             Dear Diary
It's time, I'm sitting here on the plane in a cold sweat and nauseous because of the nervousness. Leaving my parents at the airport was harder than I thought but I remind myself that they are only a call away. There are 3 hours left before the plane lands in Nice and my new life begins for real. I'll just think about myself, develop into a better person and start feeling good again, hopefully I'll meet some new friends and I'll thank myself in 2 years that I made this journey, this adjustment in my life. I will do everything to make it so. I'm ready, Monaco here I come.
xoxo

First Chapter  is out, the story will get started more during the journey, but we start like this with a diary. I really hope you are just as excited as I am.