Call It What You Want || DISCONTINUED.

nineteen

The guilt still rushed through me as another week went by. I wanted to find (Y/N), tell her everything that was going on that led me to feel this way and tell her that I only like her, but every time I tried to look for her, my attention would be rerouted by my massive schoolwork and friends. It frustrates me that I couldn't pick a stable choice.

The past week, Cho actually carried out her stated schemes. If we ever crossed paths in the hallways, she would try to strike up a conversation with me about our shared interests, ask for guidance about transfiguration, and, on top of all that, try to brush my hand if she had the chance. Because I lacked initiative, I now feel a tremendous amount of guilt.

In the midst of all that, I've always pretended I'm not interested in her, yet it was not enough. I needed (Y/N), and it makes me feel insane enough that I want to break the rules again—sneak out of my dorm in the middle of the night with my broom; fly to her window again and lay beside her, and tell her that I don't mean to lead Cho on.

I tried my best to keep my sigh low as I was inside the library, revising what I learnt in charms class today. I wanted a little time alone from all my friends, and thankfully, I had it.

I sat in the same spot where I first became aware of (Y/N)'s sensitive issue and observed her working on her maths. It was the first time we had ever spoken in private without interruption.

I've never felt so tense. I've always had friends everywhere— friends from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and even from Slytherin... but the feeling of being unable to even speak with (Y/N) frustrates me to death. I've always liked how she makes me feel the need to be strong and caring towards her, how I've always wanted to be the first person to be there for her when she's at her lowest, but never when I feel alone without her.

Ever since I got into my fifth year, I've always been aware that things will get more serious and busier for me, but I never imagined myself to end up being like this. 

I became annoyed and raked my hand through my hair, suddenly feeling the need to sleep because I was so troubled by all of these emotions.

I eventually gathered my belongings and left the library, making my way to my common room while attempting to avoid making eye contact with anyone I passed by. I was about to take a step on the Grand Staircase when I was stopped by a familiar voice. 

"Cedric!" Cho Chang. Of course it would be Cho to call me out at a time like this.

Effortlessly, I make a small smile when I turn around and see her hurrying forward to reach me. I noticed that she had her hands behind her as if she were holding something. I resisted sighing in tiresome.

"I want to give you this," She reveals a golden snitch keychain. It looked exactly like one, and because I didn't want my mood to ruin her gift, I extended my smile.

She hands it to me and waited for me to respond as I observed it first. Then, I look at her as I thought it was a good friendly act. "Thank you, Cho."

Just when I wished this interaction between us could end now, she asked, "My friends and I are going to play gobstones at the clock tower courtyard, would you-"

"I'm sorry Cho, but I can't." I immediately cut her off before she could ask, and I see her smile slowly falling off.

"Why?" She asks, frowning, "Do you not like my gift? Am I bothering y-"

"No, it's not that-" Partially yes about the last one, but I couldn't tell her that. I sigh as I couldn't wait any longer, "I'm just exhausted. I had a very tiring day today, and I have a busy schedule ahead of tomorrow and the next week and until our exams."